05/11/2012

Time does travel fast, after a major showdown
life is back to normal but i need to assure him am not ready to walk down the aisle when we got so many issues that we need to resolve.
Who marries when in wrangles
He has cheated on me, he lies to me even about little details
How will i trust him with finer details

NO is an answer

I haven't felt so confident with my decisions like i do now
I said no to an engagement not now may be never at least not to him
You see for once i did stand for myself, am so proud with me
Am gonna follow my gut, my instincts say no, not now
You see we fail because we gave an audience to our outside , we need to pay attention to the inside
Time does tell much, it does heal wounds
It may take me forever to fully trust him to commitment
I don't wanna give give him false hope
I care much about him, i still love him i will always do but he continues to hurt me,
i would rather be brutally honest than live regretting
I sure have made so many mistakes in the past, i have let people have their way only for me to get hurt
I have let people step on my toes as an act of humiliation
I have to let go the past mistakes
i blame myself for what people especially my love take me for, i gave him the verdict
Better a marriage with love and commitment than a lavish wedding with no true love
Abraham Lincoln once said "Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”
If a turn around doesn't happen now, it never will, i need to feel secure don't feel that.
Why risk and the writing is on the wall?
Why give another shot when the result will be the same?
why hang on for nothing?
Why keep hoping and trusting that all will be fine when no effort is applied?
i will trust myself, i know what i want and what i don't need
When one takes you for granted, and they seem not to care and you constantly argue about the same things,  its a wake up call..you need to make up or move on. If you feel alone, you probably are already single despite being in a relationship.
Take a deep breath, take it all in, analyse it. Ask afew questions. Do you want to live the same after ten years?
If you had a choice, would you change tabs?
then its time..

02/11/2012

Today is an interesting beautiful day

Every where i look, or every book i read, i get words and sentences like: 

"Its the devil who keeps telling you not to forgive, cos he knows there is power in forgiveness"

OR

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured-Mark Twain"

The universe seem to be sending a message of forgiveness and the need to loose the anger

of course i will let go 

I will emerge a better lover

I just realized that he has been planning to pay dowry(culture requires it to be done)

Am not for the idea at all 

If this was done three years ago, i wouldn't have resisted

today i would make the most unhappiest bride if i did walk down the aisle to get him at the altar

Am not in the party mood

Am not ready to take a vow 'for better or for worse'

am already fed up with the worse, the better isn't good enough after an experience with the e worse

I know i will surprise many especially  our parents

Who will rescue me from this pain

He doesn't realize how far he has damaged what was so dear to me

I loved him but he took my loving for granted

Honesty is a myth to him

May be he found a gal that gave him what i didn't give

i feel its too late to mend things

Things will never be the same again

I think the kids will come to understand once they get of age

I failed he failed we have failed our children

But

Life goes on,

Am so over him, next please?

01/11/2012

The last two days i have not updated an item cos i somehow didn't get time to and also i unearthed more info
that isn't appealing.

I learnt he lied to me when he said that he was sick and in hosp and that he was late because it was raining and he wouldn't get the means home.
you see, i don't have a problem with him telling me that he is going out with his girlfriends and i would have felt appreciated.

This takes me back to zero. i feel i wanna leave like yesterday. He isn't worth my  forgiviness. I don't have much energy to keep me still in his life, i think someone else deserves to have my heart, they may treat it better and with caution.

No one feels good when the one you love keeps lying to you. He seem not to realize that he is living on diminishing mercies. A time comes when you got to put your guard down and take a risk.

i think i better die trying than die poor and unhappy. I have tried to forgive him, i have tried to love him again i will give a friend who has been eyeing me a go ahead. he may turn out to be a gem.

Why should i keep my heart in pain?
Do i really need these?
Who will i blame when i will be all old, grey and unhappy?

Day 28/10/2012

A beautiful Sunday it was, made lovely lunch for my beautiful family
Whoever who said time heals wounds was damn right
its amazing how am fine with myself
Am so in love with myself right now may be it did happen so i can deal
with me
Am spoiling myself like you do your lover, lovely msgs, nice lunch,
flowers, candy chocs,late night soft music
this will continue for months to come or may be all my days
I will work on me, have the best for me
i have loved and been betrayed
i have believed and my trust has been
i have had my dreams shattered by those i trust
i have had my future plans ambushed
i have had my heart broken
Its my time now
i will rock the world
i will travel far and wide
i will let loose and make my voice be heard once more
I will be and will have no apologies
Its time to be me!!

My Experience 9

Goodbyes aren't fun
There is always a feeling of regret
At that time you hate the past
You look at that person in the eye
and your eyes water
You remember the great and the ugly
You wish you did things differently
You hate yourself for not doing good enough
A lump of bitterness engulf your throat
Your heart gets broken
to know you will have to live another day
without them
I don't wanna say goodbye
I cant stand see you
 for the last time
I need you in mylife
there are times i feel hurt
and betrayed and i feel the i would be ok
without you
i will get someone who will treat me better
but
something in me keep me still and
grounded in your life
May be its love
May be you are my future
please treat me good
better this time

My Experience 8

You said you will me love forever
I will have your heart all my days
You said i didn't have to worry
i would be the happiest woman alive
i trusted you
i told my friends how great you are
Every night i closed my eyes
and
did thank God for you
I loved you so much
to notice
anything wrong
Your sweet words blinded me
but you know
sometimes love can be beautiful
and sometimes it can be so ugly
you hurt me so bad Honey
You see i don't know how am gonna
trust you again
Am learning
Forgive me when i get insecure
Am battling within
Help me through this journey
Together we will prevail