Monday, 28 January 2013

Forgive Anyway

 How do you forgive when you hurt so much? F is for Forgiveness! 

Communication is key, Communication will create and strengthen a connection between two people. Communication will tell you where you are going wrong, what you need to drop and what you need to improve. 

If there is no communication in your relationship, don't take it lightly, if you are comfortable, you partner isn't and may already be in an emotional affair and may be physical anytime from now. 

When things are bad, communicate don't just talk. Convey your feelings top your partner, they will tell you their side of story and do the same. There is joy when you sleep knowing your partner too has not held anything back or isn't resenting about anything.  Express your emotions let those around you and those you love know how you feel about every thing, they will be sensitive to you. 

Communication makes you feel vulnerable, you need to trust your partner with what is within you. Vulnerability will bring you two closer. you will have a honey moon all the days of your marriage as long as you keep communication lines open.

Marriage is a beautiful thing where love thrives, where hope is renewed every day, it is a safe haven after a long day, it gives us a reason to look forward to future, it is a union of two personalities who have decided to be one.

The union will stand the test of time all the time if it is nurtured. Whether you are dating, engaged, keep the lines of communication open. Set out the rules of the relationship early, work on them. Learn to understand your partner's true feelings when they are sad, happy, all emotions. work on the connection between the two of you. Infidelity never gets a chance where disagreements are solved amicably and where there is compromise.

Why go for a day or even a week acting cold to your partner cos of something they did and you can agreeably talk things out? Isn't this the same person you promised you will stick to through thick and thin? Celebrate the good and accept the bad and work it out.

Marriage is not a competition arena, in marriage every one is a winner. Let your partner be your priority, let your relationship be a priority. Make time for it.

Confidence will bring back your self-esteem

Infidelity threatens every marriage. It is the most painful thing a married person can encounter. What happens after the affair is the most important. How you respond to it may alter your life for good. You need to be cautious of your decisions.

Forgiveness is crucial, it is the only thing that will keep your pain away. before you forgive the person who hurt you you need to forgive yourself. When calamities happen we tend to blame ourselves most. Remember what happened was as a decision by someone else, it was their choice with which is affecting you now.

Selfishness gives forth pain to others. Drunken driving, drug abuse, infidelity, robbery, murder, is as a result of selfishness.

Selfish people only think about themselves, they seek their own satisfaction, they are after their own pleasure.

Selfishness has been a source of pain.

There is a tendency to feel you need to pay attention and adhere to the demands around you, cos its your life and you may feel you deserve the attention as you have worked hard to achieve it, and affairs may be one of the selfish thing you may opt to.

There is a tendency to feel you need to pay attention and adhere to the demands around you, cos its your life and you may feel you deserve the attention as you have worked hard to achieve it, and affairs may be one of the selfish thing you may opt to.

Forgiveness doesn't take away the pain, it releases you from the pain. Forgiveness will help you not to carry the baggage of self destruction to other areas of your life, which if not addressed may be messed up. You are still beautiful, you are still an honor despite your spouse's mistake. 

You will outgrow your fears and anxiety eventually and sure love again. If you work it out with the same person you both would have the love that you dream t of or find someone else who will take you to the fairly tale land where only love exists.

 You can do much, more than you can anticipate if you set your mind on it.

You will be hurt, you will feel humiliated, you will nurse a broken heart quit long but don't stop there, find the strength from within let it out, you will be amazed on how tolerant and patient you can be. You can take in anything, you have to be triggered by something to actually know the power within you. Above our good LORD will always give you rest, he promised to those who are heavy laden.

We need to forgive:
  • For things done to us
  • For things said about us
Happens when a person very dear to us breaks trust we got for them
Happens when the very dearest talk ill behind our backs, if it does, 
Walk Away
Play Victim
Play Judge
Withdraw in anger
Verbal and Emotional abuse
Live in denial
Accountable if alarm goes off
You still have a connection
One who is ready to submit to professional help
One who doesn't mind giving up his security rights i.e passwords
Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that they should be a part of your life.
Forgiving them allows you to let them go and create room for someone else whom you can trust fully without holding back coz of past experiences.
Forgiveness rebrands you; it gives you strength to do the same thing in hope of different results.
When you forgive, you acquire new traits, you become more understanding. You tend to cut ties faster from unhealthy relationships.
It teaches to choose battles that are beneficial to your relationships. It brings you pride house down. Betrayal is a healthy reason, it shows how imperfect the world. You expect people will fail and you worry less.
When you forgive you bless those who hurt you,
Where there is betrayal forgiveness is close

For things done to us
For things said about us
Whether you decide to stay r leave after any kind of betrayal. forgiveness is paramount. I will focus on those who decide to stay. You should only opt to stay when the other party is willing to mend their ways.


Often, we will encounter betrayal, what matters most is how we react, at least that is in our capacity to control.
Forgiveness is disengaging with all the anger, resentments, pain, heartaches that you may have accumulated all years. Its a new beginning. A new slippery walk. You've got to have the stamina to achieve the results.

Forgiveness is holding a funeral for all the injustices done to you and burying them. It involves self love. You need to accept it wasn't your fault. Its a choice they made anyway oblivious of  the consequences. Its very sad you are the bearer of the consequences.

We all react differently when faced with such i.e

All of the above result in more anguish leaving you almost helpless. If you feel angry, hurt isn't time to talk about it. You have got to wait till you are calm, at least. You must not remain mum about the issue, it will destroy you. You must let the other party explain and be a great listener. It will be a moment of truth, most likely they will bear it all as their actions aren't a secret anymore.

Don't argue much, it will drain your energy . Don't play victim, it will strain your mind, it was out of your control. Don't play judge, you have no clue on why they did what they did. 

They could be remorseful of their actions but they sure need to explain breach of contract. You must not let yourself feel helpless

The most important thing is you, despite being wronged. Two wrongs don't make a right, restrain from name calling. Time is a healer, it has healed wounded souls, it reveals hidden secrets, it unearths a dark past. Give everything time. Time ensures forgiveness finds its path

Self-abuse is declaring war on the accused. You are capable of handling the worst betrayal. You have been designed to get a solution to anything that comes your way. think about the worst thing that ever happened to you. Are n't you glad you sailed through? do the same. learn and move on.

Acknowledge your emotional breakdown, this is the first step to liberty.
Acceptance teaches how to let go. Its a food for your soul.

No one can formulate forgiveness, its invaluable. Once you take that route you don't go back. Its an act of faith, that cleanses a soiled heart.

You must not worry what the other person will think if you decide not to up their expectations. Its your happiness that matter after all. Be a believer that you can rise above the heights of obstacles that come your way. Be confident in your own decision making, listen to your heart, you will never go wrong. There will be no room for wishful thinking.

Forgiveness open doors of Love, shuts doors of bitterness, seals resentments and keeps the hope alive. you need to resist.

Being focused towards the goal will surely keep you determined and you will have the energy to fight on when things are grey. Remind yourself why you need this so bad. Do a list of the good that you will reap, meditate on that.

Keep doing things that will motivate you stay positive.  You have got to know forgiveness is not a feeling but a choice, that you agree to live with the consequences of  other person's error. It is your obligation to ensure you have found new peace.

Its not over yet until you can trust again, Its not the end if you still harbor ill feelings about the offender. The day you look back and laugh off at how far you have come, you are over it. When you meet your betrayer and you got lots of peace within and still you can share a joke, you are healed.

Cheating is a serial killer, it robs one joy, it destroys relationships, it kills family ties it haunts one forever.  Forgiving a spouse who has cheated on you, can be self-destructive. you are always worrying. We all are different though, if you are able to forgive and still live with them, Bless you, you are among the few. a cheater should only be forgiven if he has shown remorse and even went further to seek for  professional help.

If you have can't trust someone, you just cant love them, you have got to let them go. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship. Good byes are difficult, But they sure are worth it. You get a chance to explore.

I have become a trust enemy. My hubby's every move translates to infidelity  that is excusable, i feel he is not doing enough to gain my trust once more. He has kinda left me out naked to sort me out  i do feel loner in this relationship. the other day, i woke up felt the urge to go home and off i went. Of course i have made some difficult and expensive decisions out of anger only to regret later. We did get through the matter and the only thing that still linger, he said, " Joan, i know you still believe in us, I will not let our Love die, i will personally fight for it"
"I have not been doing my part(Am sorry)". That did sound like someone who have made up their mind. Isn't easy to have someone commit, am blessed.

That kinda calmed my fears, i did feel like he left all to me, to figure it out. I feel like he took me for granted, he took my forgiveness for a right. I did feel hurt. I was done trying to make the marriage work. He didn't take my Regret letter for an answer, he in fact told me we got so many unresolved issues that we need to tackle, and its true.

Its amazing how much my spouse knows me. We communicate even without a conversation and that is a good sign, we connect despite all hurdles.He feels my commitment to forgiveness, he feels my pain, i see remorse and i want to give it a chance. When you love someone, you go to unbelievable heights to make a relationship work.

My spouse was only twenty, when we had our first born. He was young, radiant, full of life and now was faced with responsibility. He told me the other day that he didn't have any one to hang on for comfort, he was traumatized  and an affair although it did break his heart it was the only way of pressure release. He identifies with any brother who has the same experience as his. I still feel it was a   stupid, unhealthy and selfish decision, that we all are feeling the consequences. The

I do try not to get  defensive, isn't easy though. we both need a healthy relationship, w need to get matters solved soberly. When i get off the line, he brings me back, at least he knows am healing. He too is on the change process.he needs to let his guard down, he needs to show what he really feels. that is the only way we can build a future. My trust gains a pound a day, its a process. He doesn't mind being held accountable for anything that would be alarming, a good sign of a man who is ready to change.

Signs of a changing spouse
Life would sure not be the same after a painful experience but you sure can get over it. Accept you cant change what happened  Life goes on anyway  you may even have a better living after the experience as you are now a learnt fellow. Don't worry about what hasn't happened, trust again, love again if you must. Forgive and take charge of your life. you will not regret your decision to make a bold step.

Don't suppress your feelings, if you are sad tell it. If you have given it a go with your spouse, tell them when you are unhappy, what you feel, why you may be does work wonders.
 changing to a new it doesn't happen in a day, its a process. When you feel frail, talk to someone you can trust, one who will provide a shoulder. at times that all we want. Yo

We have all been hurt, we all react differently but we do share a common value..forgiveness. we all need to forgive the person who hurt us and also deal with the act. Overcome the urge to drown in your own fears, trust the power within you to move mountains. Prayer always calms a shaken soul, be positive no matter what stay positive.

Hope for a better you, Believe you can grow out of the sorrowing cloud, there is grimace of hope, look at the rainbow. Its always good to associate yourself with the people who will help you grow. Avoid the negative energy, focus on a better happy future.

Remember The good Lord above is always with you and will give you the strength to cope. Stay real to yourself, Smell roses when you can, appreciate the little beautiful things that come your way.

It is rewarding to be aware of your environment, there are things that can make your coping detrimental, friends can be good and ugly. Focus on the good, look forward to be a better tomorrow. Learn from every experience, teach yourself not to hold on any grudge, learn how not t resent, keep working on growing yourself to be  a better person, one whom anger will fly at your sight.

Resentments destroy our lives, it deterioration our health. Many are terminally ill because they are holding on to something that should have been dealt with years back. You have got to break the cycle, you have got to expose your fear, you have got to deny feeling guilty for their mistake, remember it was their choice, you did nothing wrong.

Relationships have been broken, families are in turmoil because everyone is battling within. we need to ask tough questions if we need to get along this unpredictable life.
At times you may feel exhausted, and the only option would be to give up, you just need to hang on, there is power and strength within  yourself, you can move around.

Always when hope is grim, despair takes control and you are left for the dead, things usually take a turn. You can begin again with what remains. Everything under the universe wasn't built in a day, some took years. why would you want to be an exception, unwrap your life one day at a time. It can be frustrating if you want to do ten years job within a day.

When you get your healing path things get easier to understand, things change, friends turn foe, family neglect you but you get stronger cos they don't stop your life unless you let them. Anybody who has  traveled this road knows very well how forgiving can be time consuming, u feel caged, frustrated, disappointed  who said forgiveness is easy? but it is the best gift you can give to yourself. Betrayal is inevitable, how you handle it is optional. You must strive to get over it with a calm mind, you emerge stronger.

A nagging thought 'it was my fault' can be haunting, it keeps ringing every hour but you have got to stamp on it and listen to your heart lots of inspiration would be oozing from it. Do what will help you grow, write a book, indulge in a new hobby, join a support group, seek therapy, there are lots of options to help you get over it. Always imagine yourself inspiring others wearing a smile cos it will happen someday.

Its never the end, unless you declare it to be, let it be your beginning, its your dawn, A new Morning, A new day, fill in the blanks with  a positive attitude. Acceptance saves you from depression, don't let it rule over you, be the master and say no to pain. You must embrace your feelings, if you feel hurt deal with it, if you feel you like crying please do, everything will turn out good.

You must become a fighter, you must soldier on, you must never give up on what you believe in, you must always focus on the goal. You must not let nothing stop you, even when you feel frail and out of strength soldier on. You must get your way out, there is always a way out of every obstacle, figure it out, get creative, do what you must do. There is unspoken joy after a struggle, i assure  you, you will appreciate yourself more.

Hate and anger does cause pain and resentment that only do harm to you, you have got to let go what you still holding on if it is negative..choose today to be set free. Free from your wicked past, free from betrayal. The willingness to punish your offender always result in disappointment  cos they don't react as you want them to.

I have used tough and strong language against my spouse, it always backfires on me, it hurts him and i end getting hurt more, one for saying them words and second for seeing the damage i do to our relationship.

I made a decision to let myself heal, to trust him,he gave me every reason to. Whenever thoughts of doubts would cross my mind, i would gladly shut them off, i had already given them enough room and it was time to deal with them. You feel whole again, you feel free. Life gets a new meaning.

You have a relationship to protect, it could be with yourself and others, you need to forgive yourself before you can extend it to others. Forgiveness is two way. You may also be the betrayer whom guiltiness has taken a toll on. Forgive yourself and learn from the mistake. Any one else who comes into your life, treat them better.

All wrongs see the light of the day, they show their heads no matter how one may try to push them down. Forgiving a cheating spouse can be overwhelming, they seem not to give all the information you require, even when they do, isn't satisfactory. It hurts more if all along you were so faithful to them. 

You will be told you should not bottle up feelings,
that u shouldn't be resentful, the reality is you will a times replay in your own words how they even met, you will look at him/her and all you will see is them. Emotions will run high, You will wake up and feel you are doing injustice to yourself by allowing them in your life for a second time. You will feel cheated frustrated and betrayed and all you need is to forget you ever met them and move on with your life. 

There are times when i have created my world without him, i imagine a better life without him, i see a future waiting for me, and i don't see his shadow any where. 

The next minute am so desperate to have him by my side, and immediately i call or send him a text message. 

Forgiveness is a journey of confusion, self denial you need to be focused on what you need to achieve.
You will hear lots of voices, listen to none of them, just listen to yourself.

The best gift you can give yourself is forgiveness, out of it people heal, people trust again, people believe in love again, and to your cheating spouse you teach them humility, the value of love, 

You may feel like you are at your weakest, you feel like life will never be the same again, but i can assure you forgiveness will restore your joy, it will rebuild your trust. 

As you seek questions on why the affair happened  you may get answers that are directly attached to you, you need not take them personally, cos when that was happening they may have been hurting and the affair was their way of dealing with it.

Love causes you to forgive, it causes you to say yes even when you are hurting. After forgiveness you embark on the new journey-trust. Whether you decide to forgive and reconcile or forgive and move on, you need to rebuild your trust. Betrayal destroys your entire trust, even for the minor issues, like leaving your child with a nanny, entrusting a colleague to finish up your assignment, you think something will go wrong. 

I must say it hasn't been easy, i have backslid ed many times, i have cried a river an year later

Always focus on the end result, you will not loose focus. As you embark on the healing lane, be conscious of your reaction to different situations in your life. You must not let the victim in you influence you in making hasty and bad decisions. If there is no peace within ourselves we tend to make decisions we would normally not do and they can be expensive. i have traveled that road i can ascertain that.

Holding onto un forgiveness steals your vision as you tend to focus much on anger, hurt, resentment. You have got to get out of the smoky house and wipe out them tears, you will otherwise be suffocated.

Be fair to yourself, acknowledge the reality-you have been hurt or you have a hurt a soul, you need time to heal, its a process, live a day at a time. Don't get disappointed when you get to the route of doubting yourself to trust again. It is part of the process.

There is part of us that love to hold on to a grudge, we feel its justifiable  playing victim massages our ego but we in fact do more harm to ourselves. People too take time to change a habit, give yourself and others ample time. Expect imperfection from them, give room for mistakes and you will be happier understanding than confronting, but i don't mean you let yourself be disrespected.

You must be ready to work on your vices and every day practice on how to overcome them. If you get back to the start, do it again, do what works for you, focus on the good. Compliment yourself when you go for a day without fail, cos i know it aint easy.

Once i discovered what my spouse had done, i got into a habit of checking his phone just to be sure, because my mind was still bruised all i saw was infidelity  and did take a toil on me and our relationship, we constantly fought battles that should have been there. We were headed to a battle zone until he sat me down and told me, i got to trust him, what i was doing was hurting what we were trying to build again. I promised myself never to sneak into his in-boxes ,to date am on a clean state and things changed.

You are the only person who knows yourself best, no explanations would make anyone understand you. Don't let unhappy thought distract your blessed day, Never let an opinion weigh you down, people don't know what you are going through, ignore them. Don't seek any one's advise, most will tend to be biased. if you have decided to forgive your spouse, you are the only person who understands your decision. If you decide to leave, oblivious of a non-remorseful partner  get out quietly and deal with the stresses of separation else where. You know best what is best for you, listen to yourself. you know best about the cons and pros of your decision.

While you are on the journey of forgiveness,do appreciate yourself more, you may have never imagined this would happen to you, like i did. You get to discover how prepared you are when a calamity strikes, you feel proud of yourself.

Focus on the positive aspects of life, don't let the negative ones destroy your joy. Accept your concern for the fear and butterflies that will oftentimes fill your stomach. Learn to live true to yourself and when the betrayer makes changes to make you happy, tell them and be grateful.This will  encourage them to even please you more.

Let forgiveness drive out anger, all the resentments, and let the clean beautiful soul remain. Replace the pain you feel with a loving heart. Let love be the judge. Be the change you want to see in your relationship. If you want to see things change, you must be willing to go an extra mile, you must take the first the end of the road every experience you have been through and every tear as you sailed through the rugged seas, it will be worth it.

You may go through a phase where you feel you can trust as you did, you cant hold on as you used to. You may not have much strength to trust any promises from them especially, change of character. Some how you will always feel afraid of the unknown especially another heart break. i have been there done that and am better now. Am amazed by myself, on how much i haave been able to heal and rebuild my trust for my spouse. i no longer feel like it ios necessary to spy on him. It finally feels home.

Its so difficult to focus on forgiveness when your spouse constantly does the same things that lead to infidelity. They make you loose interest in them.even love can be re-born

I do feel like i would be betraying myself by leaving my spouse. i would leave him vulnerable  up for worse. He got so much in his closet that if i left he would feel so naked. But am not his keeper, i feel i assist him get sober, but that's my problem, i think i can fix him. the bitter truth is that, i cannot. He has made his choices to be selfish and the consequences zero down to me.

Things don't always happen as planned. Ensure you got a plan B, just in case.A change is a process, be kind to yourself and others.They are like baby steps, you stand you fall, you crawl, the joint hurts, you fall so many times till you walk. we all know it  isn't easy  you need loads and tonnes of patience especially with yourself cos when your insecurity turns up you hurt people and ends up getting hurt even more. You tend to hate yourself but be good to yourself.

As you embark on this journey of forgiveness you tend to have so many questions, and you risk being a nag. Watch the kind of questions you ask if they are often its time to focus on something else. Focus more on yourself, once you are comfortable with yourself it is easy to cope with the significant other.

Differences never drew couples apart, the handling of the differences is the culprit. Deal with the issue and not the person(although it is difficult not to associate the doer with the action). They should be a lesson to both parties on the responsibilities in the relationship.

All successful and happy relationships consist of compromise, sacrifice, communication, constant forgiveness and understanding, loads of compliments and use of the magical words(please, thank you). Great relationships are not only hard work but TOO. Avoid resentments at all costs, they damage happy people, always communicate your feelings. Your partner will appreciate your effort to sort out things other than being mum and unresponsive, i can ascertain these.

You must believe in yourself, in your spouse and your union if you need to see maturity. If you believe in something, you always strive to be at your best, you will reap the great fruits, dont you despair. With Love no obstacle should be a hurdle, Love conquered the worst battle, it can fight for your marriage, it can fight for your friendship, it will do it for you just let it be.

Keep vigilant of the things that bring conflict, avoid them. Although human nature is to rebel, be the person your spouse loves to hang around with. Be kinder, what they love do it more. Let the misunderstandings you face be challenges that will let you be creative dynamic in your solving skills.Same problems can be solved differently every time. Avoid the attack phrases that tend to stretch you two even further apart, remember at the end of the day you still need your spouse. You don't want to leave them bruised with hurtful words that you said to them.

When times are tough always get to see a good in every negative. Believe in yourself, your confidence will attract your life desires. You get what you are looking for. Strive for the best marriage, strive to be the best employee/er, treat people with care and concern. Forgiveness heals wounded careers, it restores ailing personalities. A grudge imprisons you to a cage of unhappiness, terminal illness, make a decision to forgive yourself and others.

Most of us are guilty not because we hurt others but cos we let ourselves down. We are our own enemy, we must let go and forgive ourselves. when you feel like you are running out of energy, surround yourself with positive environment  have faith in yourself. You must be happy and at peace with yourself if you want to be happy in your relationships.

As opposed to seeing what your partner is contributing to the problem, be the solution focused person, you could be the problem. Wear their shoe too, spend a day in their world, yo may learn something about them that you never had. Truth be told, people don't decide to be unfaithful, friendships don't just break, there is always a series of negative energy that been built up. It is advisable to work on disagreements head on. Resentments should never find a room in your heart. Learn to be a good communicator.

Appreciate yourself more, Invest in you, The people who hurt you may not always understand their selfish behavior did have consequential outcome, they may never apologize or even make an effort to change. It isn't your business what they do, deal with yourself let them go, life has its own way of revenge.

Holding on to resentments binds you to that person, you are imprisoned to them, forgiveness gives you freedom. If its your spouse, if you decide to forgive them, don't remind them of the past for a present mistake. Forgiven spouses too battle with guiltiness and it does take a toll on them. they too need to heal. They need your support too as much as you need to hold them accountable for their actions.

Forgiving myself was the best thing i could do to myself. Forgiving my spouse was the best thing i did for our marriage. We are happier, we never get enough of each other, we love each other's company. We are better communicators, better parents, better friends. Blessings in time of disguise.

When you think about your spouse and all that comes in your mind is divorce, please let your feelings be known to them. Have a tete a tete with them. Let your spouse be your confidant, nothing brings happiness to the soul, than knowing someone loves you unconditionally and you can count on them for any kind of support.

Understand your emotions, you will at times be filled with so much doubt about your spouse and like me you feel you will be better if you walked away. I struggled with this issue and am lucky i got a spouse whose resilience towards our marriage has made us even stronger, i never stop to remind him he is the pillar of our marriage, he is the anchor that hold us together. One time after my doubting escapades(they often lead to disagreements that were turned ugly) he asked me
" what will you gain after our break up?"

The best revenge you can do to a person is to forgive them. Let your act of greatness haunt them forever. Often, they learn not to hurt people intentionally. Refuse to feel sorry for yourself, Refuse to be an excuse for their mistake. Refuse to be a door bell to their behavior. Forgive them anyway.

We have impedious power within ourselves. What you feel about yourself have got a great impact on your future. What you see when you are faced with a problem, determines how many will remain in your network. Our subconsciousness seal our fate with our friends with our behavior  Watch what you do, everyone is going through something and they need encouragement  be their support system, do to them what you would love to be done to you.

Every day is a forgiveness day. we all are different personalities, expect different reactions from people, expect different opinions from them and respect it and you will see how well you will get along with them. We often feel frustrated when people don't share our school of thought, our diversity brings harmony. It creates a benefit of doubt, that at times calms our fears.

Avoid walking around with a sad face, just cos someone hurt you. get the best from that situation and move on. Every thing that does happen to us, is always for a reason. A reason so we can mature, a reason so we can move from the negative energy. it may take years for you to understand but all will sure take its course.

Don't let the people who hurt you take pre-eminence in your life. They too have probably let you go and even don't remember you. No one is perfect, we all have hurt someone, lets not be so defensive.

Its is very wise to not to make impulsive conclusions out of fear, let the person know what you fear, let them know what you are insecure about, let your guard down, shed your worries. Keeping too much to ourselves does harm to us,

Fear can be time and energy consuming. It preaches the negative side of the coin,  it gives you a reason to doubt your own belief, it steals joy from your heart, you never get to your full potential if you let fear dominate your life. Fear is only an imagination, Action white washes it. If you fear drowning learn how to swim.

You must believe and act like the best spouse, the best friend or person you aspire to be. Fight your fear with actions. fight your fear with faith, believe you can rise above any obstacle that may deter you from achieving your goals. we often make things blow out of proportion with our own insecurities

Accept your current situation, accept your present situation, that would be a foundation of your victory. What is will guide you to accepting your present. when you focus on the good, the positive ever day it will eventually be habitual and you will get used to dealing with your fear, commitment. Your spouse will respond to the new you. If you are a positive person you will attract that and the negative energy around you will turn around.

Address your fear, listen to it, get to know why you need. You may tend to only do the things that you have done  initially and turned well. You may have dumped a spouse and you feel it was the right decision then, and forgiveness makes you feel stupid. Forgiveness is a field you have never been, you don't know the results so you give it a 50-50 chance. Give it your all and you will not regret.

People say about being with the wrong person, but they aint the wrong person, you just made a choice that didn't meet your expectations. Wrong choices are healthy, they mould your well being, they open to you a world of possibilities, a world of variety. Be proud you made that choice, it did open a whole new world you.

Don't let your fear of commitment stop you, you may be loosing on a chance to a better happier marriage. Don't let any kind of fear, stop you from trying out new, take a risk, believe in yourself, take greater responsibility, you will out do your potential. It goes along way when you work hard on self growth, your future will be brighter, better and full of life. You will be great-full you gave yourself a chance against loads of odds. Give it your very best, there will be no room for regrets.

i believe there are so many channels of solving a problem than just throwing in the towel. There are so many options, so many routes that you with unconditional love as its foundation. If you have only been married for a few years, let it go, let it flow no matter the disagreements, you are learning how to cope with each other. you may not like how your partner does things but you will eventually out grow your temper ant and gain your tolerance and you will eventually celebrate them. A time will come when you will laugh them off and i can assure you things will change and you will both have a common ground.

If you are happy now, enjoy your now, maximize your now, share your now, you don't need more. you will be working on being a present person. A person who focuses on the good. The people around you are your mirror, if you don't like what you see, its time for a change. Every encounter is an opportunity, give it your best shot. refuse to moan about nothing.

Be a giver, give people your time, encourage them, volunteer more, every one is under going some kind of challenge.

If you want to be happy, you need to ignore what others think of your choice, if it makes you feel better then go for it. A crowd will always confuse with their opinions. listen to your heart. In every sad situation you can choose to be the victim or the happier learned person. Choose the later. Don't try to live to their expectations, you will be frustrated. Live your present, if you are financially low, spend less and be disciplined in future, if you are sad and lonely, engage your feelings, if you are discouraged, do something that livens you up. Don't hide your feelings, act on them.

Happiness in a marriage especially if it is recovering from infidelity, can be an uphill task, but it need not be. focus on the good that your partner does. Appreciate the fact that he still want t work it out, appreciate their effort to repay lost years and troubled past. Pay attention to your feelings, get to know what triggers your anger, what is it that your partner does that makes you mad.

The environment that you surround yourself with can be of effect tp your self growth, the doubting thomases who are always speaking doom about marriage should be miles away from you. Find a person/group you identify with, those who have undergone the same experiences as you. It gets easier for you to cope with any  issue., be it a child with a certain condition, loosing a parent, a friend, spouse.

Worry often gives a small thing a great shadow. -Swedish Proverb.There is always a way out in every obstacle. You ought to keep trying, again and again until you get your desirable result. do not settle for anything less no matter how weary you may feel.

Evolve, change, be better than you were yesterday, be a little patient with people, be kinder and more understanding. Do the unexpected, humble yourself, practice not to loose your cool for minor issues, the relationship is more important. Forgive even when you feel like not, Never let go if you feel you have not done your best.

Speak your mind, assumptions have broken families, friendships, it caused war between countries, we all need to be great communicators. Grudges have been carried on for years just because someone had an assumption about another. Get to know the real cause of a disagreement, listen to what is not being said. your spouse may be angry at you cos you are spending more time with your friends than her/family but she may be saying things like...............

It is ok to give up on a situation that isn't improving but never give up on yourself. Believe you can have a better job, believe you can have a happier marriage, believe you can achieve better grades, work on achieving what you believe in, you MUST never give up on yourself.

Stuff happen to better you, to build your confidence, so you can mature

Make a bed that you will be comfortable to lie on. we make choices, we forget they got consequences, the decision you make today will haunt tomorrow, whether good or bad.

You hold the key to close all doors to rooms that hold disappointments or frustrations, you owe your self to putting depression to and end. You can only do much, if you decide to. Let the challenges invoke the talented you, let them invade your comfort zone and scatter your fears.

 We all have neglected our dear ones at one time, We fail to appreciate our children when they offer help within our homes, we fail to congratulate our spouses for their efforts to better our families and lifestyle. Many people retraced as a result. Wives stopped looking good for their spouses cos compliments faired out, they stopped creating a small haven in their bedroom cos the man doesn't even recognize the effort. We all love to be appreciated, and when our efforts are noticed, we do even more and vice versa.

Repetitive mistakes can be cumbersome. You tend to think the other person as the most ignorant person you know. you may have talked about the mistake again and again but keeps repeating.

There are people who just act out of malice, others are looking for approval cos when growing up no one did, and so they try to fill the emptiness with a certain behavior that eventually become a habit. Dealing with a serial cheater, a serial habit is  a damaging experience. It robs you your every day joy, the best thing you can do is be cam no matter what. No wonder sometimes love isn't enough.

Giving an excuse for any one's behavior is not only self denial but self destruction. Only make invites to people who create a better world for you, when you think of them you cant help it but wear a smile. Engage with the like minded people

Oftentimes, things always take a different turn, when you were younger what you dream t of finer things be it friends, lifestyle, marriage, children, in-laws but when that time arrives, all seems to be a far cry from what you had expected. People aren't as honest as you think, all your life you keep forgiving just to cope. And that's what there is to life, forgive, forgive and forgive.

There  is much you can do to yourself than self pity. You hold the power to determine your direction, you are what you decide to be, dont listen to them listen to your hesrt, you should never loose hope, you never know what tommorow brings. The unexpected always happen. You desperately need something but a stranger comes with a double filled blessing out of the blue. Just cause it aint well now doesnt mean it will remain the same come the following day.

Live a life of second chances, a life of accepting endless energy to try again each time you fail, believing in yourself and refusing to listen to the negative energy around you. Happiness is about self acceptance. You need to be your number one motivator.

Life is inevitable, strive to be at peace, talk more, be concerned, there is fulfillment when you offer a helping hand. Life is short, dont hold grudges,  understand your opinions differed.

Every opportunity is a lucky charm to maximise your potential. Give it your fullest, people will remember and you will be glad. You are getting old every passing day, remeber to forgive more and hate no one. You loose nothing by being the friendly cookie. Wear a smile often even when things are thick, it will be for a while, eventually everything wears out.

We can learn a thing or two from the trees, no matter how cruel we are to this plants, the stump still got energy to sprout again, and start afresh. They still produce a fruit afterwards and provide the oxygen tirelessly.

Treat those you love with utmost love and kindness, if you treat them bad, someone else will whisper sweet nothings to them, if you ignore them someone will be willing to understand and love them as they are, even when you break their heart someone else will pick up the pieces. We need each other lets learn tolerance.

Encourage those who are hurt.

Every great thing was once an idea, even the greatest of lords was once a crying baby. Learn through the journey as you reach your goal. Where you were yesterday doesn't really mean the tomorrow would happen. It aint worth your energy, cease from torturing your self with relationships that don't work, they are a preparation for a better future.

If you can be yourself and your partner still loves you, then you know it is real.

No hard work goes with out a reward, do all you can to achieve your goal, even when the going is so unpredictable, keep believing in yourself. Allow others to teach you, let them show you their world you will always learn. Be a good listener and be sensitive to your surrounding.

You only see what your mind is able to grasp. The picture is bigger than you can imagine, keep your hope alive.

Only quit when you have achieved what you have been  working for. Don't just give up coz you feel weary, keep going. Many start the race be among those who finish the race.

Every day is a new experience, drag not what happened the previous day.

Happiness is understanding the imperfections.

Prayer soothes a wounded soul. Prayer calms a troubled soul, Prayer disagree with  reality.Prayer changes things.Pray always.

Be the person you would want to see in your friend, in your spouse,

Instead of complaining, be solution minded, focus on solving the problem, deal with the issue not the person, that way you get less emotional.

At times do things out of love, even when there an assurance of no reward. Giving is the best thing that fulfils your life, loving without conditions completes your life. You get what you invest. Invest in love, invest in appreciated

Your mind, soul and body need to speak one language, they got to be in harmony. You only move froward when they all agree.

When you are hopeful, when you are expectant, don't give room to disappointments, ride over them.

Every other day you will encounter challenges, you will embark on a journey you didn't plan, don't complain learn through the experience, you will emerge better and groomed for the coming challenges in future, life got lots of them

if you want to achieve what you desire, you got to have patience, you have to forgive yourself and others every time you stumble. Every good thing has taken years of hard work, patience, tears, long suffering, pain, . Spend quality time with yourself, nurture your dream, keep going and always believe in yourself.

Even when things are bad, don't become an irascible. Manage your emotion well.

Whenever you do well, congratulate and praise yourself for the milestone achieved, treat your self in a spa, buy yourself a good book do what makes you happy at that particular time.

Set your objectives, let them be as simple and realistic as possible( although unrealistic expectations drive our crazy creativity into existence)

An active listener isn't quick judged.

Sometimes you get through the rough road to ensure you never take the good for granted.

Once you focus on something for long, you want to make sure all is going well it is then that you realise it has literally controlled your time and most of the energy at that particular time, just let it be. Some people do well without supervision. some relationships work well without much attention on the person attributes but on how each can do well on making the relationship better.

Forgiveness is a lesson we learn the hard way, If you decide to be friends with the person or spouse, it is important to note that, their betrayal may haunt you for a while, you will want to forget about them altogether, every day there are mixed signals, focus on your forgiveness, it will sure a way to freedom,  resent them not and work on rebuilding the trust.

Nothing can change the past, but forgiveness will change your today and tomorrow. Forgiveness is an attitude, it is a trait that will change how you react to your future.

Once a relationship survives past forgiveness, it becomes even stronger as all disagreements no longer threaten the relationship but keep it open for improvements.

It is possible to blame oneself for the betrayal, we feel we never gave it our best we shouldn't have let them in our lives in the first place, we should have, we shouldn't have, but people make choices based on their own understanding, choices that they later regret.

No matter how offended you feel, no matter the pain and the urge to see the offender punished, for you to be free you need to forgive them.

Every religion, every belief got a message or prayer about forgiveness. We suffer emotionally, physically and socially when we don't forgive. no wonder it is addressed by all walks of life, even the medics will tell you, it is a disease.

Are you what you are today, because of a hidden and a long forgotten grudge? you may not remember but your somewhere within yourself its a baggage that shouldn't be there. search within yourself and let go 'the people who have hurt you.

No matter how you love your spouse, children, friend or family they will hurt you and you need to forgive them, that what makes life beautiful. Allow room for mistakes in your life, drop the perfect ism, human is to error. Forgiveness is the power that keep relationships going where love and trust are hurting. Forgiveness rebuilds trust. Keep loving, keep forgiving. there i freedom in forgiveness.

When you forgive, the world changes, you see and understand things differently. You have to act on your pain, by forgiveness and you will get your life back, afterwards you are going to achieve anything that you dream of.

when you decide not to forgive it will stagnate your life, you narrate what happens 10 years back like it hap pend yesterday, you need to drop that and be the person GOD destined you to be.

Forgiveness is accepting the past, it is believing you had nothing to do with it. It is a ticket to a better days ahead. It is leaving all cares and worries of yesterday, its a moment where you let the wounds heal and let the scars remain. they are a reminder of the battles that you won. they inspire you to be what you want to be.

Work on your forgiveness, work i

Forgiveness is for you, it will do you good.

Forgiveness is about giving up expectations from other people. It is appreciating what you can do, and accepting people as they are.

Forgiveness moulds your confidence; it takes you where fear would have prevented you from. You become tolerant with people.

It is a choice to condone the action of the person who hurt you or reconcile with them, whichever direction you take, the journey of finding peace is the same.

There are days it will be so rough you want to shoot them and be happy to bury them, there are days you really cry asking lots of ‘why’, other times you will be happy that it did happen, you finally found freedom. 

There are mixed emotions, mixed feelings

Forgiveness shows you that you are strong, remember the situation didn’t not break you .

I would recommend the following as you grieve:

Acknowledge: you are in pain, you are hurting

Accept and adjust:  you had nothing to do with what happened and you had no control over it

Learn and Improve: to give room for mistakes,

              Not to expect much from people, they rarely give what they promise

Move on: with your life, live the best of your ability don’t live in depression, it has happen to many before you and they were able to let live.

Get something that will motivate you to get over the situation, Be dedicated in finding your peace again, don’t let the few setbacks and memories delay you, keep going.

You may desire a better life, a better relationship, a better spouse, a better marriage. But what are you doing about it? What are you focusing on? The pain of yesterday or the hope of that tomorrow promises?

The people who work on the results always get the niche, the people who dwell on the situation often get nothing.

Dont play the blame, work on building your trust love will find you.

There are days when you got to be tougher on yourself, when you mind is filled with the thoughts of yesterday divert it and focus on the new you that you are working on.
With Forgiveness you need to be open to reconcilition, you will realize forgiveness calm pain, wipes out grudges and it gives you no reason to hold back.

Once you make the decision to forgive, you will be able to get over all the
 negativity that has been haunting you

There is a purpose for your pain, regret not, keep going, keep doing the right thing, even when you are at your worst..don't revenge, it will hurt you more. keep calm and work on your healing.

When you feel betrayed, although your questions need answers., refrain yourself from getting too much explanations your mind at that time have made a decision. It is difficult to wait but it is worth it.

Every Morning its a blessing to you to make a choice either to be happy, continue mourning or complaining. Enjoy your now, let your today be a gift to you.

Anger will drive you to a home where depression resides. Depression is a silent killer, it kills all that is good.

Letting go isnt easy, moving on is difficult than reconciliation...

When hurt or in pain, millions of thoughts cross your feel neglected, rejected, if you let un forgiveness run your life, you risk being a mean person, you are robbed your ability to trust again, you are .

When you love and people decide to use your love, it tears you,

What happened to you will always remain, you cannot change it, but yu can decide to let it not affect your now and your next.

You may constantly be forgiving a culprit who have made it their business to hurt you at every  opportunity. You may be forgiving a serial cheater, a rebellious child, a disrespecting wife, a colleague, name it. Their apology become a rude joke. You feel guilty for letting them do what they do and still get away with it. You feel you have given them the platform to do whatever they will. Forgiveness is important, it will free you from carrying the baggage of the pain they caused you. Cut ties, you did your part leave the rest to them.

It doesn't matter how many times you have been hurt, it doesn't matter how many times you get down, what matters is how fast you rise again. life is a fast lane, drop what happened yesterday, it doesn't matter now.  you got a brand new day to explore, go for it.

Let yourself grief, it is OK to be angry or cry..

Each of us has a story, we have undergone some sort of pain, we have been hurt by those that we have loved dearly. We all are different, we are of different character, some of us are slow to understanding, others we break a hurt like its a glass of water and move on with our lives without realizing the damage we have caused. We let the other person grief as we party.

It has been a journey, a trying time. Healing has been on and off. There are times i feel am over it, and feel like i have fallen in love again. Other times i wish i would move on get myself a different person who may treat me better, the are times i visualize myself  as a single happy lady surrounded by my grand children only caring about them and not a man.

Living thinking positive is a process, you keep growing, you keep trying. when am angry at what has happened to me, i have to keep reminding myself i shouldn't let it affect my now. I still cry when i remember how love can turn its back on you. The slightest argument can make me call it quits for good.

mixed emotions race through my mind at all I no longer have much energy to fight on, nothing makes me look forward to any good. I feel let down and the best solution is to but am on cos i still feel we can salvage and emerge better.

Being hurt is a good sign, it makes you appreciate our human nature. It reminds you of living today and having fun whenever possible. You get to appreciate the simple things of life, the tender hugs from your children, a fresh breath of air, great friends, the ability to cry because you tried.

Forgiveness is a value that should be passed on from generation to the next. It is so important to a society. it brings harmony between communities, it helps in acceptance of diversity.

The secret to forgiveness is to love oneself. When you love yourself, you will be easy on you, you will not let yourself suffer and grieve for something that you can let go and still emerge a better person. You will never forget what they did to you, but you will always rejoice and have pride in yourself for having overcome that.

When you are broken, when you rise again it reshapes you. Imperfection becomes a reality, you celebrate what people are and understand they will never meet your expectations. You will be less anxious and ............
The one who is forgiven, feel better than the one who is forgiving. There is even more joy when there is reconciliation, you will have a restoration of your life. You tend not to take any good thing that you have for granted, everything is fragile. You need to nurture what you believe in.  Only the strong and courageous give it a second chance.

When you reconcile, you will have a script to compare notes. you know what works and what doesn't, but its

Every time a boyfriend, colleague tells me about their infidelity, it scares me of, it sheds shivers down my spine,. The reason they give makes me wonder who will save us from ourselves. It is so worrying, my trust is at stake, more and more men are coming out about their behavior  Marriage has become a very sensitive situation, those who are already are looking for a way out, and many are afraid to walk into it.

Things out to be different, the old flame should be kept alive. Otherwise it will be a cycle, you marry, you are unfaithful for whatever reason, you separate, you marry again then it turns out she/he wasn't as better as u thought. you will remembered about your ex and regret if you stayed and tried to work things out. You make more babies and die un happy. You reach out to them for forgiveness. thy do the same and you see a lost opportunity.

When we are attached to someone or something, if it is snatched away from us, its an experience we don't forget easily. we narrate like it has happened yesterday and still it hurts. Choose to keep memories that will restore your self esteem. If people did hurt you, and you need to tell the story, tell what you learnt and how you emerged from it.

The reason why many of us forgive and reconcile is we want total freedom. You can reconcile the friendship with your lover but still move on. When  you got an attraction that is more than physical, there is that special feeling when you think about them. 

Forgiveness is freedom to our peace of mind. It will keep you motivated, it is the only way to ..............

Forgiveness will always rescue you when pain is almost drowning in a pool of fear and anger.

Forgiveness will always take you higher than you thought. It keeps you healthy, It maintains your stamina. It relives your confidence. Grudges stagnate your life.

When a day goes without  feeling hurt, i pat myself on the back. This is a journey, when you are almost half way you feel like retreating but when  remember the goal it keeps me motivated, i don't want to be a victim of circumstances but a victor with courage.

Only forgiveness will free you from the pain of yesterday, from the emotional train that has carried since the day the betrayal was known to you.Forgiveness will restore your joy, your faith in tomorrow  It will deny you the chance to mourn a past that you had no control over.

When you walk the path of forgiveness, any other thing that comes into your life after that, rarely, will it have any negative effect in your life. You appreciate honesty more, you know better where it isn't upheld.

Forgiveness will open so many doors of opportunities, because you will have dealt with the anger, and you will have room for growth and optimism. When all people do is to break their trust, be honest anyway, be polite anyway, be kind the end of the day you have no bridges to mend

In-case of reconciliation, the other party will need to earn their trust from you through honesty. You need too to work on your fragile trust, broken trust if not handled well can affect your day to day life, you hardly trust anyone on anything.

This life is what you make out of it, if you need love it will find you, if you need wealth you will get a way to acquire it. You will never move on as long as you are holding on to the failures of yesterday. Give up those who hurt you, give up those who are against you, give up that job that you do only to pay bills, give up every thing that has brought anguish in yours life. The critics, malice will shape you to be a better you. People build you with their criticism and malice. Don't listen to them, they will have an opinion about every thing.

Every day you are faced with a situation that needs forgiveness, the driver who overlapped you, the colleague who got to your way, the child who spilled milk on your designer suit. Let go all of that, life will be so easy and accommodating. learn every day, when you forgive me, tomorrow i will forgive you and we will live in harmony all our days.

Forgiveness shows courage, courage will build your confidence, and confidence prepares you for any eventuality any time. 

Don't allow regrets to have a room in your mind, fill it with greatness. If you went through that and you are well and still breathing, you are a victor, keep living.

How many times have you heard people share their stories and you feel if you went through the same you would probably die, and after a few years you are faced with the same situation or even greater than them?
Life is like that it teaches each of us, lessons at own pace. How would you appreciate good health if you have never been unwell. In-fact you do all you can to eat healthy, exercise, think healthy just to keep the disease at bay. Do the same for your relationships.

Life is just a blank canvas, you shape it according to your preferences. what you write/draw in there is what you will be, do it right.

Have you realised

I have learnt to accept my life, i have learnt to trust the power within me, what i can not control i don't whine or fight over it,

Writing this book has been therapeutic for me than any counselor would do. I cried, laughed smiled while penning it down. I would occasionally go home to him to remind him about his piece. " love am still waiting for your ... , am almost done' even when i had just written two pages.

Every thing that has made you sad is preparing to overcome every hurdle that may come your way in future. We cry, with many unanswered questions, we become so difficult on ourselves for making decisions that brought suffering, we live in anger, hating ourselves for choices made. 

An experience will teach you patience, you will always think through stuff before making a decision that will affect your life. You become a thick skin that can tolerate what life throws to you. 

I dont worry much as i did before this experience. When people break my trust, it doesn't bother me much anymore, i have realised people you rarely expect, will disappoint you, they will lie to you and still manage to dine with you. When you let people be, you focus on yourself, you tend to invest more time, money and energy in you, before you know it, you become so attractive, every one want to be associated with you. They all  want to know the secret, but all you say is you decided t work on you.

When we mind our own business, marriages will work, businesses will flourish, relationships will mature, trust will not be an issue because we wil all do our part candidly and honestly without having to spy on our significant other

What about letting the person have his own consequences for what he did. If you decide to forgive him or to forgive and reconcile they will still face consequences, if you forgive and move on, the act will haunt them forever, most probably they will treat others better. If you reconcile they will be sensitive. Forgiveness gives you hope for tomorrow, it assures you of the next minute.

When people betray others, they may feel justified, somewhere guiltiness will catch up with them and the act will show the light of the day. Every act of infidelity will see the light of the day, every wrong deed will be known, when the time is right. Betrayal will cause you pain, respect will give you the confidence to speak your mind.

Although i still feel sad sometimes, i have never been this happy. My perfect me has toned down, i no longer expect people to do it one hundred percent, am ok with ninety nine percent.  Disappointments are no longer obstacles, they have become my aha moments.

I have become a better communicator, i will let you know how i feel now, and will ensure it doesn't appear on the to do list. i tell it as it is, my hubby knows it too well. I have held so much information in the past, and it slapped me to the face. My wish list is full of things that i should have said. I don't intend to have another wish list. 

There is joy in my home, communication lines are all open, we no longer have judgement s  we no longer make conclusions before hand. We are better friends and great partners. I don't condone what he did, i forgave him, he is now dealing his demons. Am free from it, he broke his own promise, he gonna deal with it, i kept mine and am happy i did. I will always strive to keep my word, cos i will always be happy with me i will regret nothing.

 Courage will give you strength to reach out to the person who hurt you and say the magic words. "I forgive you". Your life may have been on roll coaster because of the pain that you still carry. You may be from one relationship to another, one job to another, as un forgiveness rock your world. it may have been difficult for you to trust any one, wherever you go and it can be draining and stressful cos you  feel for something to happen you need to do it yourself. Release it by forgiving, you will be free.

Whatever Wherever there is a GOD in heaven who cares about you, and HE too is telling you, "Child you will be whole when you forgive"

We hold on to the grudge for so long, even years cos we feel they don't deserve to be forgiven, they screwed it, and they knew i would be hurt. We hold on to that thought for so long not realizing the joy and freedom we are robbing ourselves. Forgive anyway

Forgiving is almost impossible when you are hurting, but it is the only thing that will calm the storm within you. It is the only thing that you can depend on at that particular time to have a good night sleep. Divorce is fine but without forgiveness you still will be tied to the offender. Forgiveness will give you total freedom.

I was so mad with God cos i remember the year he had the affairs i really do prayed for our relationship and even we held hands and was so specific with God that HE gonna help us stay faithful to each other. I was so confident it was never going to happen. I struggled with trusting or praying anymore, i felt God did let me down. 

HE was dealing with me, i look back and i realize HE knew me best. the only way HE could teach me patience, humility and yes He made the worst experience in my life to be the best thing that he would ever happen. Through my marriage i have received  most of the blsgs i have always been longing for the tiniest and the most priced. God is my best friend, i run to him any time.

The only thing that will dry your pillow, is forgiveness. When the drunk driver killed them, you were happy when the jury sentenced him to a few months in prison or may be when they were hanged to death, but you still wonder why life has never been the same ever since,  a speeding car makes your heart throb, you hate every drunk, forgive and nothing will traumatize you again. Your life will be better and peaceful. only forgiveness make you justified. 

Forgiveness will show how to love again, it will teach you how to trust again, it will monitor your anger.

The offender may even have moved on with their life way back and you still hold on to what you did. Also take note to how you react to situations, you may be having a grudge against someone who never meant to really hurt you, and you may be surprised they don;t even remember about the incidence. Fight the good fights and always make up whenever possible. Don;t give audience to anger, it will destroy you.

The people who are worse with forgiving are the most proud, also perfectionist. They live in a world where mistakes are only done by the dumb, and they can never hurt a soul and they expect the same. if hurt, they take forever to let go.

Bitterness, anger and sorrow will give you every reason not to forgive, they will give you facts, they will show you their history lane, they will almost convince you not to, cos they are opposites, only forgiveness will wipe them clean, Forgive anyway.

There are people who still remember how mistreated they were in High school, they still are angry at a certain student leader yet they are married and would even narrate the story to their own children. They may have advanced in their lives but their lives stopped ten or twenty years ago. 

Forgiveness will remold your broken pieces into a master piece.

You feel it was deliberate, they intentioned to hurt you, they were irresponsible and deserve a through punishment. No p[unishment is harsher than forgiveness try it. I have seen my husband struggle with my forgiveness, wheverevr i talk deep, like our future plans  or when i text him especially my love for him, for a while i rarely got a reply. he was struggling with my forgiveness, he didnt trust me for it. I realised he too was struggling with forgiving himself and thought if he couldnt i too couldnt. 

we are a couple who understands so well the value of forgiveness. The struggle you encounter and the beauty of the whole journey. You will never be taught this by anything else, forgiveness will always win, there will be no looser where it is concerned,

Peace of mind keeps each of us sane. Lack of it cause us to rebel, others are thrown into depression, all cause someone something somewhere has done you wrong or you want so much than you can hold. Forgive those who hurt you, forgive those who persecute you, forgive those who envy you(they talk negatively about you), forgive those who smile at you and bad mouth you when not around, Forgive the one who is causing you pain and restlessness. You will find hope and joy when you forgive, it will renew your faith. 

A friend you would count on did let you down at the eleventh hour, you feel so much hatred for them that you visualize a fight or worse for them. It takes a toll on you, day in day out, years on you are still struggling with the betrayal, you were a good friend to them but they let you down. Let them go, Smile cos you were the better friend, you are the one who can be counted on. You were your best they gave you their second best, move on and forgive them.

When you expect less from people, they will rarely disappoint you, you understand life is complex and few actually are able to manovoer without fail. Let people make mistakes, that is the only way they will learn, it is the experience that matters, of cos we re not trying to justify their wrongs but when you look at the bigger picture, it was their time to have a story. Atleast they will always remember you as the good cookie.

There are some experiences that leave us traumatized, it can be difficult to not associate a similar experience with the same end result. It takes courage to wear that shirt again, it takes courage to trust your partner again, it takes courage to talk about the experience and say it wearing a smile.

Happiness is about accepting what you have and working it out to the best of your ability to create the best environment for you. You will have a harmonious fun filled environment  Revenge is a cycle that will always bring about violence(physical, emotional, social, no one wins). Purpose not to travel that road. Embrace forgiveness and your life will never be the same again.

Otherwise your new partner will be hatred, you will hate on every one who means nothing but good criticism,  you will hate on your children who needs nothing but proper guidance from you. You will hate on your supervisor who was concerned  about your growth. Refute to carry the pain around, it happened for a reason, look keenly and you will see it was for good. You had to loose y=that spouse to get a better one, you didnt have to but that drunk driver had to hit your child so you can be a motivator to them with similar experiences and also teach others about the dangers of drunk driving.

"baptise the "I hate" to "I'd like". It changes the mood, it changes your environment, peace comes from within and will be create a condusive place for every one. What would happen if countries, enemies practised this? nuclear firms would shut down.

We all got history of someone who didn't treat us right, if we turned around, and  decide not to inflict pain as it was done to us. We would be at peace with ourselves, if you saw how you mum cried after being hit by daddy, decide not to be a wife batterer, and your wife would be in a better marriage. you know very well how it hurts, you acknowledge the pain.

There are people who absolutely add no value in your life, you keep locking heads because you cannot agree on anything, constantly arguing, the best thing to save you two, is to cut it off. Some friendships cant work, accept it. You need a friend who will be there for you, ...

You definitely gain strength when you face your fears, when you let your feet feel the depth and temperature of the waters. Its ok to have the floating vest for starters you will soon drop it once you become the expert.
Its the same for relationships, learn your partner don't be in a haste to make judgement s  it can take moths, for others it can take years, all you need is a little long suffering, patience and communication. and you will soon e the happiest couple after you both get what works for you. You can work on perfection. 

You don't condemn your offender forever, you forgive them, and in return you teach them the value of  forgiveness, it will free them from pride in case they felt you deserved what they did to you. Battles have been won without deaths when every one appreciates forgiveness.

Every thing in life is like a coin, you choose your side, You can choose to hate the person who offended you and live with grudge all your life, or you can choose to hate the action forgive the offender and live a life of joy and freedom from the past mistakes.

It is so easy to let go than keep a grudge for years, it is easy to accept the imperfection coz that is the reality than get frustrated trying to get perfection, no one is.

Regret causes us unnecessary pain, unnecessary anxiety, learn from the mistakes from your past

The way to solve problems in a relationship is to talk about them and confront them before there's the temptation to play away.'

Forgive now, Forgive tomorrow for the same mistake and yes continue forgiving, it has such an efffect that the person offending you will stop and work hard not to offend you again, you are the winner at the end of the day. You forgive and your life gets so easy to handle day to day issues without luggage from yesterday.

Believe in yourself, believe in your dreams, take a leap of faith, explore your talent, 

great things happen to those who wait, to those who try and never give up, success is a process, a journey that have got many ups and downs, you have got to be strong and be ready for the battle ahead, only the patient survive. 

When you give every thing time,you will get achieve that wchich will last forever. It takes a good 9months for a mother to hold a baby, why do you want to hold a your baby within weeks, let it mature, you will be glad then. When you are down, be easy on yourself, remeber even the sun waits for 12 hours before it can shine again, it has been doing that graciuosly for centuries and never has it deviated. Learn to wait, and trust GOD for your miracle, and work towards it.

Forgiveness gives you a ticket to continue living, otherwise gruddges stop your life, you wil get to a plateau. 

Even the holy book states that for you to be forgiven you need to forgive, Our GOd know the happiness we are robbed when we hold grudges, HE wants the best for us, Forgive Anyway

Forgiveness is holding one responsbile for their actions and not giving an excuse and letting them know how you feel, 

You know you are past hurt, if you can laugh it off

When you forgive your partner, its a done deal, you dont have to keep reminding them of their wrongs, no one loves the company of someone who makes you feel guilty. Forgive you will need their forgiveness sometime.

Sometimes the difficult part is not forgiing but ...

Set your mind to receive the good, the beautiful, and Accept the situation.

I changed my blogger introduction from 'it sucks when your spouse strays!! Do you forgive or move on'?'  to ' Forgiveness has taught me the beauty of life that many are missing out'

Quit complaining, live contently and peace

There is so much you can do with the strength within you, if you let your guard down. No problem would be too major for you to fathom. Nothing would stress you, nothing can bring you down, no matter what you will always be at par with it. Worry will not be your friend. 

It is so encouraging to know that someone in the world went through what you are going through now and they came out of it victors. 

Don't let yourself mourn what is dead, celebrate the time you shared, be it a lost job, anyone who has passed on, because this life nothing is permanent, even when you are down, learn from it it will not be long.

It is a privilege you are on earth, don't live whining and complaining, Make the best of the time you will be around, leave a legacy, don't just exist live. Failure after failure shows courage, determination never throw in the towel, try again and again, you will get through some day. It has taken years and decades of trying for some people to be what they are today, if there is a need, fulfill it,

Every marriage can be salvaged if we work on it, communication is the key. No marriage is without challenges those who have married twice or more can assert to this, if you imagine a happy union, work towards that. 

Hold on to what you believe in, Keep it close to heart, purpose to take care of yourself at this trying time, eat healthy, exercise read a good book and notice what others did in your person 

If you have a chance to live another day, you have been granted another moment to better yourself. Where you fix your eyes determines your life. If you think about happiness, you will definitely work towards it. Sad people's mind are filled with negative thoughts, sorrow, anguish, pain, hurt.

If you think about who or what is oppressing you, you will be full of anger and pain. If you think 

Nothing is impossible where will power is present. 

You got to love the good and the bad, it takes time to fully accept your partner cos there are aspects about them that you may not like but since you love much about them learn to change your attitude towards that which irateness you.

You too can make history if you let your ego go. You too can be the story that you love to hear. Every thing that you have one through is preparing you for what is coming, never regret.

As long as you got some breath, wake up and make it happen. 

Provoke your despair with hope

Its amazing how attention(or lack of it) can do to a relationship, it can either build or break it. It is vital, it is one of the VIPs if any relationship is to work. In fact infidelity is the other word for attention, we are attracted to people who show interest in us.

When there is a disagreement in a relationship, we tend to just go by, and attention is traded else where and a vacuum is created, mostly an affair fills it in especially when the hate is prolonged also where the same mistake is repetitive.

Marriage can be difficult, sustaining a good income can be difficult, even forgiving someone can be a difficult thing all together, if you believe in it, don't walk away, work things out. You don't wanna  die unhappy, be your best, and you will have no regrets. 

A broken heart is an opportunity to appreciate your self for trying and a chance to appreciate what is good for you and what can work for you. You appreciate love more, you know those who have been together for years, it was as a result of hard work.

Patience with your self will help you overcome any obstacle in your life

When you decide to love, give it your all, offer your whole heart. when you decide to give a hand, do it whole heartily, you will experience the reward better. even if they walk away from you, you will be proud you did your best, it could be your best wasn't good enough.

Live  better life no matter  what you may have faced, don't be bitter with anything, if your friend, child, spouse is jealous, they don't always mean harm, they care so much that they don't wanna share your attention to them with any one else.

Truth be told, failed relationships have taught us tough lessons on how to cope with life, If you were not hurt, no one would have taught you the true meaning of forgiveness, the meaning of ...

When people who have hurt you in the past, continue to do the same actions, they are taking your forgiveness for granted and you need to get your priorities right. You are far more important than a relationship that isn't working for you. You need to be respected, if you don't find that its time to re-do your 

If you think about your ex, wish they would return to your life, don't wish no more. You may or may not know what you escaped from. the people they are with now may give you a story of the person they are and you will be glad you broke up with them. When stuff happen be glad anyway.

When you are wrong/ed it leaves a mark to you both, your lives change for a moment and at times forever. It never leaves you, Always be the person who learns from the experience, for a better Morrow.

The people who hurt us most, are the people we trusted most with whom we made great memories, celebrate the times you shared and regret nothing, when it mattered you had fun, this is just another part of your life when you have another chance to explore the world and may be this time you will find your place in this small world.

You have so much to accomplish to keep your self stagnated with the woes of yesterday, today is second chance to try it once more, Try again and again till you find what you really want. There are so many opportunities out there, make use of them, forget about the lost one. this is your time to test the depth of the waters.

Prayer comforts a hurting soul, it calms a troubled mind. whatever you do, please pray. There is power in prayer.

The journey of forgiveness is usually on a messy rocky muddy road, many are the times you want to retreat, it is not easy. You meander through them corners in pain and tears. You can only do it yourself for yourself, that only is a motivation to keep going, as you aim for the prize. Never give up on yourself just because you feel frail and weak. Forgiving yourself is the most difficult, do it anyway.

Revenge is suicide, it kills your trust, your morale, it kills your strength, it may eventually kill you(depression) as the person you are trying to punish may not actually feel it. forgiveness does the exact opposite. please learn how to forgive.

Forgiveness brightens up a dull day. It will stop you from focusing on the wrong and you will start focusing on the blessings of a chance to make it right.

When you got an experience, you definitely got a story to tell. Live your best every day even when you feel down, even when you feel like staying in bed all day, do something that will encourage someone else. write on your blog.

Betrayal teaches you the importance of keeping one's word, the importance of trust, and yes both parties learn this vital lessons. It is the lessons that you need to keep.

It is amazing that we all under go some sort of the same experiences, when you are mad with your partner you harbor feelings of how you will move on with your life,

Love will always out live anger, it will chase fear out of your closet, it will work on your ...

we tend to take this life so serious like we will live forever, we need to constantly remind ourselves that this life is short, we need not to take anything so seriously, have fun even while fighting.

Treat your enemy with love and care, show them what forgiveness can do to a person, that will have a positive impact on their lives, they will always reconsider before hurting another soul.

Wishing happiness to people who have hurt you shows a healed heart. life must go on even when you decide to stop yours. Let not an experience stop you from living, make it your stepping stone.

with determination you can be whatever you aspire ti be, make the changes, let go, move on and above all forgive every person or circumstance that didn't meet your expectations.

It is ok to throw caution to the wind once in a while, people will always judge you no matter what you do, for once do it for yourself, do it for you own happiness, do it for your own growth, and do the right thing.

The best moment of your life is realizing, the broad step of you took, did bear a better future for you

May be you never had a good relationship with your mum, years later you are still  harboring the hurt and you feel so betrayed by the person whom you should have leaned for support and comfort, to date your relationship is still hurting or she may have passed on, 

May your daddy messed up your childhood, abandoned mum and she had to raise you single handley  mum later passed on and you were left in the streets, and later you meet your father and you feel so angry at him.

May be it was a relative who destroyed you family through dubious means, left your family without a dime 

May be your the two people you loved; your best friend and spouse both betrayed you and made out behind your back.

May be your colleague back stabbed you and you are now jobless

May be your sibling had an affair with your spouse and you are not able to forgive any of them

May be your child was so rebellious and they are now suffering the consequences of the behavior and it causes you stress

May be your confidant exposed your secrets

The time is now, free yourself from their actions, you have grieved enough, get out of that shadow, believe in yourself again, build your self esteem, have courage to face your future with determination and hope, you have weighed the options, you have judged and concluded your own stuff and as a result you have been robbed happiness for all these years, it is time to heal and you can only do that through forgiveness and it isn't as difficult as you think, it is the best gift you can give to yourself.

Every other day you will receive negative news, that may cause stress, stay positive anyway

Loving again isn't that difficult as we may presume, trusting again is normally the uphill task. That is what we need to work on.

Sometimes  you have to fight to find your happiness, you got to beat the odds, go against the current, travel, ban a few what you need to do but stay happy.

Let there be enmity between you and self pity.

Always wear a smile, it brings out the strength in you to help you cope with the day to day challenges

Itsn easy to wake up every day but it is easy to over ride the decision to mourn what

When you need to give a second last chance, you are filled with fear, doubt, you are at your most anxious stage. Having to trust the same person who crushed your world isn't easy as many as would make you believe but its sure worth the try. Starting all over again has its own challenges, it is difficult not to associate their new wrongs with the older ones, You tend to keep comparing both lives.

It takes courage, determination to live again. Forgiveness is slow, it is a process where only the thorough ones complete. There are days when you both will not agree totally and it does cause a rift between the two of you. When wronged all that plays in your mind is what happened years back, and it does affect how you feel entirely.

Try to focus on now, remember you are still struggling with the past. Don't  mix the two, they will crush you. Communication between both partners works wonders on the fragile relationship. Every partner feel appreciated and considered

If you are  willing to make any of your relationships work it will work, what you put your mind into will manifest. Even when hurdles are all over you will find a way out.

If you try, there are higher chances of winning, any battle. work on wishes, they will come to life

If it makes you happy pursue it, otherwise you will live a life of wish thoughts, you would rather try and fail than be in uncertainty.

You don't have to accept the good that comes with love,tolerate the bad too and let them be your inspiration to always work on the good. Every thing has a second side of it, when you buy it, accept it whole heartily.  Love is beautiful, Love is great, and Love teaches you how to love when disagreements come.

Worry not about tomorrow, enjoy now, no one knows about it. Worry not about the past, it did teach you how to appreciate today. life is no rehearsal, live at your best. Choose your battles wisely, learn how to compromise, the proud live a very bitter and unhappy life(who would want to be around a person who so full of themselves?)

If something will change, then it has to be your perspective, be optimistic, encourage yourself, believe in yourself.

Turn a deaf ear to the negative energy completely, ensure you vision is not blurred by obstacles that you find along the way, respect the authority even if you don't agree with them, you will loose nothing, let them carry the day, you are the wiser one.

Forgive those who least expect it, you will build a world of love around them, they will imitate you and you will help create a better environment.

Don't give up on the struggle, don't give up on your dreams, pursue them and let failure inspire you to reach even higher heights.

Something serene and beautiful happens when we let love reign, when we let love rule, when we let love be the king, surrender to love.

 Love will always crush the hardest, When we love we get love back, the world will always respond to our own input.

When you invest in love, you get it in abundance, when you invest in  hope, it brightens your future. when you invest in your mind, your life will change forever.

Your mind can be own enemy, be in control what is processed in it, you must in charge otherwise it will destroy you with the past failures. It will bring you down with the past embarrassments and the mistakes. The mind is capable of holding you hostage for years, it will throw you into a cage of depression and leave you for the dead. Resist being submitted to its fate. Mind need discipline and caution. Your mind will always remind you of what you are yet to achieve, it will keep in you in a rat race. When you are in control, your mind will focus on the possibilities, the positive and solutions.

Keep yourself inspired: read a good book, listen to the motivational speeches, read your bible,

Working hard will always pay off, the little sacrifices will have a great impact in your life, if it is for your own good, do it anyway,  sleep less if you must, you will be grateful later, loose the friendship if it is getting in your way.

When you hold a grudge for long, when you keep them hurtful feelings in you, they will keep your hands full. you will have no room for anything else in your life, all your energy will be directed to that. Take a different direction.

No matter how chaotic your today may be, begin to un clutter your life bit by bit, If some relationships have failed and are robbing your energy, drop them off, your work place, do what needs to be done. it may take time but you will be happy to have your real life again, you will be able to do more, as you will have room for improvement.

You will be okay if you want to, you will be

If you mean to forgive, you need to follow it through otherwise you will stay in pain longer.

Study before you implement. Study your partner before you can agree to marry, know their weakness and strong points, if you can cope with them. We are hurting each other because we did assume we know each other, we assumed we know what works for them, only for things to turn out bad. We are disappointed in life because we never did our home work well.

If you are willing, nothing is impossible, you u can work with the most difficult, you can break the ice that you so fear,

Even good behavior is practice and consistency .you do it you fail, you do it again, until you do it well. Life may well yell at you back, what you are trying to drop may as well mock you, refuse to be down no matter how you feel, be focused and you will achieve your goal. You will be glad about the struggle.

When life is good to you, stay happy, when life is challenging you be happy.

Sometimes letting go the persons who have hurt you is the best gift you can give to them

Love is a beautiful thing, it teaches you how to let you guard down trusting you will not be hurt,

We are all sunny at one time, you will be dull the next minute, live right any way, never revenge, it will crush and destroy you more. Every dark cloud will pass.

Betrayal hurts cos it comes from our dearest, those we care about, not our enemies. It breaks the strongest of hearts, it ruins relationships, if not attended to, it can ruin lives.

Take every relationship seriously, make it grow and create time for it, make it your priority when you need to. Appreciate them more, help them, encourage them, court them, remind them to leave an impact on the society, they should just live. Be it your children, your parents, your friends, your spouse,, build the relationships, enjoy them.

Sometimes hurt is inevitable but forgiveness is the most important, you may hurt someone who loves you dearly and you would like them to forgive you. Forgiveness is part of life if you need to succeed and live a fair life.

It doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care, when they hurt you, it could be just a misunderstanding

You have nothing to loose if you are the one  who loves you more, the one who cares, the one who is always concerned, the one who wants the relationship to work. In case it doesn't work you will walk away with a heart flowing with joy and gladness, knowing you did your best, you will have no regrets. It was your best that wasn't enough for them.

Life will eventually teach you what to compromise, what to put up with, what to say no to and what to challenge, you don't have to fight all battles, you don't need to loose your energy winning  or loosing battles that are un necessary.

We all are different individuals with a different opinion about everything, we just have to learn how to cope and be contented at all times, cos contentment brings more.

As we grow older, experience will push us to be our best, we shouldn't live resenting any one especially  our loved ones whom we talk and see every day. Communicate your feelings, let them know what you really want, what you really need, they will eventually turn around if not you will be proud of yourself, and will have no regrets.

With determination and perseverance you can achieve anything, it is about trying again without being discouraged  its about fighting on with no despair, it is about beating the odds without giving up or giving in.

It is OK to disagree, but it is disgraceful to hit your spouse both physically or emotionally whom you have been married to for decades. This is your friend whom has been with you during your worst and best times, they have supported you through and you now enjoy your achieved goals. You should instead hear them out, encourage them, they are now burning out, they gave you all they had, its pay back time. Do it well and better than your spouse.

Relax when you can, life can be a roll coaster. Take a step and smell the roses when you can,

There is a blessing in waiting, There is love in forgiveness, there is joy when you
receive what you have been waiting for regardless of the time that it has taken you.

a little sacrifice goes along way

Through my journey of forgiveness i had my ups and downs and these are a few notes in my journal(blog) i will share some..

The best way to avoid stress and disappointment is to be self reliant, self motivating, as people will hurt you once in a while, expect it from them. Let the betrayal be a ground for your strength  let it be your motivator, remind yourself at that time that people don't always keep their word.

You may never be able to trust the person who betrayed you fully, most probably it is not going to happen. You may feel un attractive, worthless, it happens every one who goes through the same phase. Its a lesson that you ought to always be attentive to your inner feelings if something is a miss its  probably is. Trust again and open your eyes.

When you forgive and decide to mend the relationship, for a while even years you may always see the girl or the man, even during intimacy, you position her/him. Its a trial, you no.longer feel safe in the relationship,Thinking about them may even destroy the relationship you are trying to salvage.

You feel like you will not be able to escape it., you will eventually, you will emerge stronger and better for the coming relationships. infedility causes a distraction  to almost all depts of life

You may decide to have another marriage with the same person, and things may never be the same again. the relationship can be different entirely. You may enjoy a fun, realistic new relationship after the agreement.

The betrayal

When you embark on the road of forgiveness, be ready for any eventuality, you will be angry at times, you will be angry at yourself, you will be angry at GOD, you will be angry at your partner or friend the people you love most will get the after math of your anger-stress, strong language, EMOTIONAL BREAK DOWN, etc.

We are what we are cos of the our choices from what we already have experienced. You look out for a persona that is completely different from that. that did hurt you. But we need to step up from it if we need to be happy. You can choose to forgive yourself and enjoy life. Grow from every mistake you make, forgive your self any way, no matter what you have done. life is a learning curve, move with the shape of the curve.

Remember you can not be any one else and no else can be you. Live you, live wisely and make the most of every opportunity that comes your way, and do it right.

You are in this world for a purpose, you just did appear then disappear  you must leave a legacy, you must leave your part of the world better than you found it, If you were hurt, spread love, If you are sad, smile more, above all Love yourself unconditionally.

It is important we be in check with our emotions, our surroundings, it is crucial to take a break from your everyday commitments, you need to recharge, you need a breather, you need to relax and count...

Love is kind and it can also be the most painful

Love looks beyond hurt, Love goes beyond the betrayer, Love will create a peaceful haven in your house, Love loves anyway..

Your life can be fun and a blessing even in disguise.

The journey of forgiveness may be full of uncertainties, doubts, despite that, let it inspire you, let it be a motivator.

Don't worry about anything, take action: if it can be fixed do it, if not forget about it.

If you are willing, you will get it.

In life, you may have to award yourself what has not been to you by your loved ones.

You may be so hard on yourself cos of past experiences, you may be a perfectionist, a go getter, a high  achiever, you may have had so many responsibilities at a young age..You may be looking for the attention that you never got as a child, and sadly you may not be getting it from your spouse, Attention follows our footsteps and it does catch up with us.

After your knowledge about an affair, all you do is re-evaluate yourself. Rem you must be easy on yourself, you may have thought all is good, but they were hurting, you may have done something that prompted them to do what they did. It was wrong they should have said it you, at least they would have had you opinion but start it cannot undo.

I got to a point where i was so mad with God, cos when that was happening i remember that was the year that i fervently prayed for our relationship..and i always mentioned that He helps us remain faithful to each other..

Many are the times am tempted to ask a question about the affair, but i limit my self. I need to move on from that, I need to focus on what the future holds, my spouse apologized, i would have made things different if i was in control, i need to let loose and forgive him too.

You may have read a million and one books about surviving an affair, you may have gone to counselling,  you may have done all you could so you can survive the affair and rebuild the relationship and trust. If you want to make things work, both parties must be involved.  They both must attend counselling together, if the marriage is to survive, the couple need to go through the journey together, the cheater needs to be involved it helps them get the whole picture, they will feel your pain.

Reconnecting is very essential, it will open up communication lines between the couple

Many are the times when one has had an affair, especially married, they have no intention of breaking the marriage, it is usually a case of communication breakdown. It is important to note the very marriage you are playing with the senseless affair will destroy it. Why have an affair in the first place? If you can talk to your partner about your intention of ending the marriage? or about your concerns about the marriage? You will even earn more respect.

An affair can be a blessing in the disguise. It's can strengthen a marriage, it can bring out the friend you never had in your partner, it does bring forth the best in every one. You get to know you can survive what you thought was impossible, you become creative in your own way, to save the marriage or move on. Although it is painful to your partner, it is a relieve to you as the burden of guilt that you have been carrying is offloaded from your shoulders, it frees you from the prison of guilt, it gives you new strength.

You do injustice to yourself, to your partner and to the marriage when you see yourself as the victim. Blame pushes away the slightest hope of saving a breaking marriage. If you listen to your partner, you will realize you too are responsible for their behavior   Focus on your marriage, your partner will feel your and they will follow suit. Don't fight Focus.

You will deal with resentment and anger longer than you think. Be their master when they come for your company face different direction and head there. When you are hurt misery and despair are a common friend whom their only mission is to leave you for the dead.

Staying positive, thinking positive and acting positive will reward you in all genres of life.Disappointments and frustrations should inspire you as you already know the harm they can do to any one.

The only person you should be telling about your spouses' infidelity is him, a counselor or a dear friend whom isn't judgmental otherwise you will be speaking to people who will not build your confidence back.

No matter how you feel never take your spouse for granted, no matter how offended or disappointed you are with them. If you feel like you need to go under for a few hours or days before you can talk it through, tell them. We all are different and the rule don't go to bed sad doesn't work for some people, me included. I feel i need to cool the anger before i can talk. Just to control saying hurtful words.

Do some homework about your back ground, how was your relationship with your parents, ladies did your daddy make you feel important or he is an absentee daddy whom affection and love you look for in guys who don't make you feel any important?

Guys how was your relationship with your mum? A troubled childhood may contribute to cheating, such people tend to be needy especially emotionally. If they don't get emotional support from their partner they will get it else where. Divorce of the parents does affect your current relationships as trust tends to be an issue to you. Either or both of your parents may have told you how horrible marriage is, how the member of opposite sex cant hurt and you grow with those words intertwined in you. they affect your relationships, cos you think it is true.

If we got to the real core of affairs we would save many marriages. It is hurting yes but do divorce save anything? does is it do more harm than good. You may feel good temporarily but you will eventually go back to your shell. Your mind will be bombard with all types of questions if divorce was the right to do.

It is essential to attack the situation and not the person, that way you avoid saying hurtful words that may be the center of another cause of rift. The person is more important than an issue that can always be amended.

You will get your common ground at the end of the day, if you both work towards getting a happy relationship. Where there is love infidelity does not even have the chance to break a relationship.

Keep your marriage on your mind, keep your spouse close to your heart, make those two your number one priority in life

Betrayal have hurt people, men cry when they narrate their story, some keep off relationships with the opposite sex for good, others become serial cheaters, others reason into depression as most ladies. Someone needs to tell the world that there is life after that, you still can pick up the pieces and become a better partner.

Whatever you do try to keep the honey moon mode alive in your  marriage, no ,matter the crazy schedules that you may have, it is important to say attractive for your partner, a little dressing up goes along way.

We need to educate each other about the changes that come with starting a family. Husband's feel neglected after their wives become mothers, they are jealous of the shared attention, and if not educated well they seek it else where and an affair is born. Raising children and and taking care of a family and more so looking good for your husband is an uphill task especially

they say the honeymoon ends after three years into marriage, nurture your relationship, build strong values that will sustain you when times are low and the going gets tough. when your marriage has a concrete foundation, it will stand the test of time.

What does cheating mean to you? Do you have unspoken boundaries between you and your partner? Communication is key, if you are uncomfortable with your partner;s flirting say it, if you don't like the emotional intimacy say it.

if you did something in secret and you know it would hurt your partner if they knew about it, then you are violating your boundaries, you need to stop.

Shake off all anxiety, relax, and make connection to your partner a reality, often an affair thrives where the connection between the two partners is weak.

Communication in any relationship is vital, it is only through communication that satisfaction is achieved.

If you have to win every confrontation you leave no room for compromise, it is good to be in control of your emotions all of the time.

Get your own flaws and correct them, it could be you don't encourage your spouse enough or it could be you  talk to them with no respect whatever it is, address it, your partner will be glad.

The thought that you did share your spouse with someone else is pain enough in itself. When love challenged you become restless, like a lion whose territory has been invaded. You tend to loose control over the most minute issues.

This journey of forgiveness can be compared to a growing child whom knows no right or wrong. You have to keep in motion otherwise the wrong(resentments) will keep haunting you and robbing you peace. you have to reprimand yourself every time you do anything that gives you stress.

We may drag the hurt and betrayal to ourselves, when you love a married partner, when you involve yourself with an ex partner. ..

You may never get enough words to describe the pain or the hurt you feel when you realize what your partner was doing behind your back., they crush your heart, they almost bring your world to a stand still. We all are jealous when it comes to love. We jealously guard what is our own, and sharing is never an option.

Working on rebuilding trust and rebuilding your marriage isn't easy. At one time you will feel worn out and have no strength to support the fragile relationship. like my husband who says "we have been down enough times" we don't need to go there any more. 

Learn the language your partner understands and communicate in it. They may be the type that feel appreciated when you do have the conversation after dinner just before you retire to bed. Others feel safe talking about this issues in the bedroom, no matter the urge don't bring them up while on the ride home, or during dinner. Others like it away from home, as they may feel the children or the employees at home have no way of finding out there was a disagreement in the first place. 

A gift you can give to your marriage is to resolve conflicts. No matter how small they may seem to you, they could be an obstacle for your partner.

When you are sad or unhappy about anything please try all you can to communicate about the concern. I have learnt an unresolved issue can haunt your relationship with your partner and build un said walls between you omly to discover them when its too late.

Handle all disagreement well, solve them as soon as they happen, otherwise whenever another arises you will be angry because of the former and the latter, again when it happens again you will be angry about all the three disagreements. They will pile up and one day you will start having conflicts about the disagreements that were never resolved. In fact you will feel like you have had enough and all you want to do is give up on the entire marriage.

We love to be where peace, harmony and beauty thrives and run where they don't. We forget we are the people who create this virtues.

Forget blame game,

When you embark on this journey, it is important that you indulge yourself in an activity that will keep you busy.

 Do not make this hasty decisions that you may be tempted to, don't give up so easily on yourself and your partner. Everything can be worked out if you are ready to give it a second chance. In-fact things are better with the same person cos you know what to expect.

At-least you know you both are trying to make things work. Other than walking out falling in other arms, and living in fear of another betrayal, which may happen anyway as you will be on the healing train.

You feel betrayed, you feel dis respected, you feel hurt, you feel pain, your heart is in shambles, it is a perfect time fro someone to even take advantage of you, do not act on those feelings. Deal with them, do not make reckless decisions,

Most of the rebound relationships do not go beyond the sixth month. Work on yourself, work on your failed expectations, be tender to the disappointment and after an year if you decide to move on you can be in another relationship.

With friendship love gets a solid foundation for your relationship. Love is what you have built over the years, it binds you when everything falls apart.

Love is commitment, it gives you strength to stand at your weakest.

It takes time to heal and get over the hurt. Don't rush yourself, don't push yourself so hard, don't punish yourself when you feel like you are not doing good enough, For sure time does heal all.

You and your partner need to enrich your friendship more, enjoy each other, treat each other with love and care, you don't even have to talk about the problems all the time. Have a little fun, go skating, do a movie, anything that will bind your friendship

God can use your devastating story to touch lives, to restore marriages, to rebuild broken relationships, do not despair, fight on. Smile it happened, it sure will make you a better person.

You can get your lost love if you stay Humble, never give up, never loose hope, There is hope for any relationship that is in crisis, Patience and resilience will give you back your partner. No matter what response you get, keep going, insist with love you will get them back.

Love is a beautiful thing, It doesn't hurt, it is we that hurt those who care about us, with love you can get over any pain that someone may have put you through, let love be in control of your feelings, of your emotions, every other day and you will not have to resign in distress or despair.

Love turns around every hurdle that may come your way. Love will give you the patience you require for that person who constantly gets into your nerves.

Love will restore hope to that which is dear to you that is failing in any part of your life, Apply love wherever you go. In the public transport, in your house where the children have turned the house into a chaotic mayhem, at work even when challenges are more than opportunities. Love applied is love gained.

It is usually wise to think over what you were doing at the time prior to finding out about the cheating

Open the lines of communication, whenever something comes up you can always talk about it

Avoid what hurts at all costs
You can also change your lifestyle, do this together, solve issues more as a team

As days progress you will get a little healing everyday, no matter how long it takes, you will get to a point where it will hurt no more, you will not even enjoy talking about the pain but the lesson learnt.

Love is selfless, love is humble it, it doesn't inflict pain on any one. It cares, it brings home a package of harmony, peace and creates an environment where every one feels comfortable.

Love understands, Love isn't abusive, if your partner is abusive love isn't  He has an issue that needs to be dealt with. We associate people with love, when we love them we make them love, and no wonder it hurts so much when they don't live to the expectations and values of love.

When they fail you, remember Love will remain Love. Only the people who appreciate love will make you happy. Love is respect

Fights, countless disagreements, and no communication will destroy any relationship.

Drop all that you are trying to fix and doesn't work, there is another side of everything.

Listen to what your partner is not saying cos that is what matters to them most. Compromise if you have to, they will learn and next time if you will get the gift and have your day. Seek to make each other happy. and happiness will thrive in your home.

Affair could be an extreme action of an underlying problem. You need to figure out what led to it, listen to what your partner is saying. There is a possibility they felt lonely and not appreciated and it could be you were so engrossed with your own activities that they never appeared in the picture.

Empathy within a relationship is important. Empathize with your partner, nurture their experience with concern enrich it with love, Let them know you care about them, they don;t have to go through it alone, you will walk with them, cry with them, laugh with them and love them.

Look into your relationship, look out for any pattern that may have formed especially when resolving conflicts. Don't take anything for granted. If your spouse loves to be involved in every decision made, let them have their say, they may not be pleased if you surprise them.

Take some time out when you are emotionally charged.

Your marriage is not entirely to blame for the

Always remember infidelity is a choice, no one or anything forced them to have the affair..its purely out of ignorance

You need

Never give up on yourself, if you feel you are a walking trial you have done your part. You dont need to blame yourself for the choices other people have made. You go on with your life and make it happen for yourself. Seek your own happiness.

Doing things together straightness every relationship. Do groceries together, go for a lunch date. For every relationship to grow you both need to nurture it, develop it to your best.

Don't let your pain ruin your life, let it go. At least you did your best.

It is good to connect on a deeper level with your spouse, after the kids whom keep you busy are gone you will feel a void, fill it with yourselves now.

Arguments are good  you hammer out the issues of trust that determine whether your marriage will work or not. You can be a wife and not a best friend to your husband, you can be a husband and not a partner to your wife.

If you have self-esteem and confident in yourself, you will not even look at a married person twice. It may be fun for sometime but as always you will be a worse mess than you were before. No one can fill in the void you are trying to fill, work on your own insecurities.

little effort calls for encouragement. acknowledge your partner when he is making progress, acknowledge your children when they do good and they are of good discipline.

For the relationship to work, the partner who cheated got to take full responsibility of their mistake.It is good to know if the person you are involved with plays the victim or takes full responsibility of their actions.

It is important to take ownership of your behavior, this is the first step to better days ahead. It will give assurance to your partner you are one as you fight for your relationship or marriage.

 It is important to be sensitive in your partner's feelings and the consequences of your current behavior. If you need to earn their trust back again you sure need to work on it.. You may have to give up friends, you may need to compromise on what is dear to you, you need to create room for your partner to check on you every now and then. If you love your partner am sure you wouldn't mind to give up any thing that is dear to you to be with them.

Counselling and therapy is only helpful to those who are willing to get dirty, you must willing to have sleepless nights, you must be willing to let your guard down, don't hold back, love them freely,  love them till people think you are crazy..remember what you did when you first met? do that.

The person who had the affair too often have their own insecurities. They are in fear of revenge, they too are afraid of loving you again, they think a heart break is just a mile away but  if you truly love your spouse, revenge will be the last thing in their diary.

As you nurse your wounds, they too are dealing with an inflated ego, feelings of shame, they need to forgive themselves, it is a journey to them. In fact they often have a lot to deal with than the other spouse. They got a relationship to work on and prove their self worth, they got you to win over the trust, They need your forgiveness, they need to be easy on themselves.

Its a lot of work, emotions may run high at this time, every one is dealing with something you need to be there for each other. Fear and anger dominate when people are going through this phase. These are two emotions This is when people say the harshest of words, this is when crimes happen,

You will interchange the roles of being a support and comforter most of the time. Things can get rough, when you feel like giving up, which will happen often, your partner will do best to remind you about what you are working on, like my partner would say "we have a common interest"

You both need to be committed and put in the required effort the marriage can be rebuild. Why move away from your marriage when help is out there?  Move away when there is abuse, be it physical and emotional.

You need to tell your partner every thing they need to know, you will not only be creating a honest and truthful environment but you will be building and strengthening your friendship as well. Talk to them about your fears, your insecurities, all your concerns. They will respond with love, care, and more concern.

You may have been the narcissistic person who felt you got your life in place and you do your own thing and got no one to respond to.

Love will give you strength and will power to forgive your partner. Love will ease up all hurdles that you will face as you work on your relationship. Love will give you a good reason to trust yourself and your partner again. Love will provide a solid foundation for your  marriage. Love is about forgiveness

When you have a great companionship with your partner, you will grow the friendship, love will flourish.

Affair flourish because the affairee gets what they want at that particular time. No wonder you hear them say i fell in love with them because they were sensual and tender to me, and they gave it back to your partner.

Self worth is important for every one otherwise one will be trapped in an affair that has no future, damaging their self esteem even more cos many are the times the married couple will come to terms and either repair or nullify their marriage and you will not be in the picture any more.

The last thing your partner want from you is defending your own mistake., you need to own up to your own wrong doing

Forgiveness is not easy, it is a tough decision but you must not give up.

Tough Love
You need some tough love for your self as you forgive yourself and others. forgiveness is also self respect. people may walk all over you if they know your forgiving nature, a partner may be on and off on their selfish behaviors hurting you even more. They are at war with you emotionally, you feel like you are living under certain threats that instill fear in you and you are not quite certain of tomorrow.

Its your business to forgive and to take care of yourself too. don't accept crap from people,  if they love you they will respect and honor you, if they do otherwise they don't deserve you.

People who have gone away with a mistake, have the tendency of thinking life may always be like that. They think treating you badly is their own right, it is within their own jurisdiction to hurt people as they massage their egos. They got the wrong attitude and  you have no business trying to fix it, it will drain you. they need a reality check, someone got to say NO. May be reality will bring them back to their senses.

A partner whom have the tendency to hurt you are often very charming. They almost make you believe it was their fault but are actually saying you deserve it. They are so proud of themselves and attend to any audience presented to them, they don't care about your feelings, they never lack an excuse to any thing that they do.

To them a decision they make is crucial to them cos it mattered to them at that particular time. Whether good or bad at least they know you will understand their explanation.

The are people you need to break up with so you can teach them reality and the consequence of selfish decisions.

Mistakes are good, they are the little bitter sweet spices of life that ensure a better tomorrow but as long as you learn from them.

When you loosen up, when you let go all that has been done to you, you are bound to enjoy life.

There are people who have had a difficult past, and getting help or just talking about it to someone who really cares helps you off load the pain. such people inflict pain to their dearest at times unknowingly. No matter what happens, if you have a past that wasn't dealt with appropriately you will carry it with you.

 If you are hurting people you are probably hurt, deal with yourself first.

When you love somebody, and you get the love back, there is that feeling of fulfillment. You no longer look around for love. If you are fulfilled with your job, you stop hunting for a new one. Fulfillment brings about sense of satisfaction and settlement. It brings about joy, confidence in your dear life.

Putting things behind your mind, or sweeping them under the rug will only give you temporary pleasure and a life time of anguish. Keeping things under wrap or keeping your emotions to yourself will damage you inside out. Let the emotions out, fill in the vacuum with positivism.

Assume your part in the relationship, work on making it a success and be there to see it happen.

There comes a time in life when you give up complaining, you give up trying to change things that are out of your control. You focus on what really matters to you, all you do is dis-engage and focus your energy on something else.

It's even more frustrating to stay on and try to fix things while all you get is resistance, you will be proud of yourself cos at least you tried.

The heart survives breakdowns, it survives abuse, it goes along way, don't whine about the tragedies you have exposed your heart to, it always bounce back. If you gave it away and had it back in pieces, dont you worry, put yourself together, it will be whole in time and no scar will show.

Love will hurt if there are grudges that are still held, forgiveness is about letting the grudges go. It is being vulnerable enough to trust it will not happen again.

A relationship is two way, if it is hurting both parties are responsible. You may attack your partner for the wrong doing but if you listen well you too was responsible, admit and learn. Relationships are not easy but love makes it easy.

Respect brings a mutual happiness in every relationship, uphold it, it will repay you with kindness.

Every one got a problem along the way and the only way you can overcome it, is to step up.

Its is important to be under pressure, the push will help you achieve your goal. Love any way and forgive any way, the pain you feel will no longer be there years down the line.

Reach out to your

Commitment pays off

Integrity is important is a relationship, it is important is life. You will loose trust if you don't uphold it. If people don't trust you they will not do business with you.

No matter how you love your partner no matter how they love you, if you are not honest, love isnt enough. Honesty is key, honesty rebuilds and strengthens trust.

Grab yourself before you fall. The people you love may not love you just the same, take care of yourself and love yourself. 

Settle for nothing less than what you perseve the best for you in all aspects of your life.

Forgiveness too has a limit,

Forgiveness defines a new road. It gives you life to your life, it provides confidence to try again

What the person being forgiven doesn't realize is that forgiveness has a limit, more where reconciliation is concerned. You need to be sensitive to your partner, listen to their fears, assure them of your presence. Compromise will keep your spouse interested  they will  see the effort, and keep them working on making the relationship better.

Creating time for your partner is important, it gives you a chance to nurture and grow your love, If your partner raises an alarm about something take caution.

The last thing the person who is offering you a second chance wants is an attitude, keep it low, keep in mind secrets will blow up what you are trying to rebuild. They are learning how trust you again, you don't want the petty flirting confuse them, stay 'sane' at least for now.

You may encounter stumbling blocks as you embark on the path of change,