Live Again

A day older, a happier day
Marriage can be beautiful, it can also be a source of agony,
where communication has failed, separation beckons
Arguing is a good sign, there is a room for improvement, both parties are determined to give it the best shot. Otherwise one of the parties has given up and has his attention else where
Every problem has a solution
Every marriage can work despite hurdles
Every ailing  relationship can be healed
After a betrayal you still can trust again
There is power in self confidence
There is joy in forgiveness, If things don't happen as expected, your creativity is re-energized. What may be happening to you now isn't new, it has happened to someone else before you.
If you are committed to change, you will achieve greats,
Commit yourself to changing a dull relationship,Change your attitude toward the person who have hurt you, Love them more.
You need to change your thinking too about a particular situation or person, get to know how they feel
Be the first to adjust, be the first to let the guard down, be the first to say apologize  be the first to compromise, the other party will too will follow suit, after all its for the benefit of the two parties.
Betrayal reveals who you really are, it tells the world the person within.,
You are strong to calm any storm that comes your way
Its never too late to start again, pack everything up and chase your dream
Pack all hurt toss it and hope again, start from scratch, you will get somewhere someday, you will live to tell the story.
You too can change your opinion, you can change your stand.
Happiness is about compromise

My Birthday, A new beggining

My hubby was the first to wish me a happy birthday..exactly at 00:01 am.
The hug felt warm and very lovely..its been long since i saw him so happy, the smile he wore was so lovely, his face was glowing i could tell he was about to say something.
He first gave me a beautiful necklace and i was so elated and when i thought he was done he told me he got another surprise,,wow..
He removed a ring from his pocket, i could see he was withholding some info i know he wanted to propose but was afraid i would turn him down and he did confirm my fears the following day!
i feel him, what he doesn't know is that i have decided to stay put no matter what.
He is a cool gentle guy and also tough
He told me we need to start all over again, a good idea
a great sign that he still feel we can make a good couple
It feels loved to know he believes in me
We are good together, we feel each other, we compliment each other
May be one day i will walk down the aisle to meet him and vow to stay by his side always
I think it will be a beautiful day,
till then i will work to be the best person i can be
A good wife, a great mum, sis, friend and daughter
I dont wanna live to wish i did
I love my hubby, thanks love for the ring, thanks for believing in me, thanks for all
I want to pen down the big changes and influence i did after one year down the line
I want to look at family and thank myself for unselfishness
kisses

MY two little angels

My babies keep me going,
They are my energy boosters, when am down they give me a reason to smile
They know mum knows best and i do
It really does feel great to nurture an innocent soul, you want to do your best, you wanna give the best.
I will stand firm to bring up responsible adults
My babies are my new love, Am all butterflies, the innocent smile make me weak in my knees,
They are the best gifts that our dear God has entrusted me with for the past four years.
What a beauty to see my heart literally walking beside me
I tear as i write this, they give me genuine love
They are so fresh, so pure you are afraid the filthy world
Having both in my arms is the best feeling ever, greatest experience one can ever imagine
I pray that they will forever remain close and they will make smart choices
I wonder what i will do when one of them comes home with a broken heart
I want to be with them every step of their lives
I want them to know mum passed through the same experiences and she got stronger
bless you my son
bless you my daughter

The Better Me,

Am looking forward to the lunch date with my hubby.

You see at the end of the day, i remain with me and God above

He constantly talks about forgiveness, 

I too need forgiveness now and then

I have wronged people

May be i have lost friends cos i didn't say sorry

I want a better life, and that comes accepting the life mishaps along the way

Someone said "Everything happens for a reason"

This has changed me loads,

Am a better listener, more patient

I think i can put up with anything now

Even when things are bad, i wanna strive to be positive

I cant wait to see what future holds
I have got loads of energy, i wanna do anything and everything to ensure our relationship works no matter what.
I want a brighter and fuller experience,
we will do dates often, we will have our time together often.
We will have family time too, am looking forward to the next lunch date

be a fighter

Once i decided to forgive, am now finding it easier to cope with anything that comes my way. keeping a grudge  hurt people, it robs one all the happiness and joy. It brings along resentments that only cause more havoc to the soul and the body. Have you realized how one gets sick when unhappy?

Let go all the heartaches,

Let go all the pain,

Let go all the sorrow,

Let it flow, restart afresh, make new friends

Indulge in a hobby that you have not been keen on in the past

Make friends with your past

Enjoy the new company you've got,
don't hate those who hurt you, love them anyway
Do good to them
Wish them well

You will be doing just to yourself

You can forgive and still move on

You can forgive and still love again

otherwise who would want to love someone with a baggage.

Forgiveness can also be patience, 

Patience to let anger subside

Patience to let yourself mourn

You don't have to tolerate those who hurt you

You still can let them go

Strive to be a fighter, Never give up on yourself

I Choose to Forgive

I have developed a new passion lately and am rocking it. it has kinda owned all my attention and am loving it. I don't have to rely much on the hurt,
I get creative everyday, when it gets messy its usually a lesson learnt never a mistake. The people around me i sense they are loving it too albeit criticism here and there. The new love is cooking specifically baking.
Baking is my new relationship, we do get adventurousness all the time. Nothing we do is a repetition.
Am happy with the new me, i found something that i love and will never get a heartbreak!
Without a doubt i will pour out my heart here, its my rebound. A great way to relieve all my pressures and pain.
Everyday a new item is added to the list. My hands are so full, i always get something to do. My first baby is at home on holiday, great treat for the family, we can all indulge in my new hobby.
Two wrongs don't make a right, i don't wanna pump in more hurt to a hurting situation,
i don't wanna pump in more anger to an ugly situation
I want to drive the hate with love
I want to take un forgiveness home, i will continue to search for joy and happiness
I want to be a cheer leader, I want to experience hope again
Only light can drive out darkness, i will strive to give life to our marriage. I know my hubby still feels i got so much to get over with but one of these days he will uncover a new me.
I will not let the past steal my joy of today, i will never understand, i will never forget, i wouldn't have controlled the situation then, but i can choose to take control of my feelings now. I will tell a friend of my experience and may be it will be an encouragement.
Mahatma Gandhi once said "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong" 
That was so strong and powerful.
A journey of forgiveness isn't easy it is a lifetime course. At times the hurt will show up, you will never forget  it will be with you all your days to your grave. Forgotten may be forgiven.
I feel like am gaining power, am working out the old scales just like an eagle, after all this is all done and gone, i will fly higher and higher.
Patience will heal wounds, Forgiveness calms storms.
You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well. Lewis B. Smedes
I choose to  forgive.

Do it Differently

I have made up my mind,
No more bricks will be placed on the wall that is already existing between us
The hard work ahead is to bring the wall down, brick by brick
It isn't easy, since we have made our minds to,  we will manage
This morning we had a disagreement about an issue that would have been dwelt with last night, He was so angry about it that it had to zero down to the kids.
My daughter cried when his daddy denied him permission to go to a function she had prepared for.
This really broke my heart, i cried too
I felt we should have dwelt on getting a solution,
but out of anger, he listened to his head not his heart
Every little thing under the universe comes with sacrifice
Am ready to take the moon, I will get to the sun and back, until things go well
There will be:
No more hard feelings,
No more sleepless nights, am gonna stay up till my heart is at peace
Am gonna stay up till we are both on the same page
I will not let him lay angry
I ill not let him lay unhappy
He isn't a good communicator, i will make him one
nothing is impossible, where there ia a will there is a way
I will strive to understand him,
What hurts him, what he likes, it will be a brand new experience for me. I want him happy, always longing to come back home when he is away. Am ready for any battle that i will face as i work on my goal. I will win. We too can make a great family, work to have a beautiful marriage.
I will not let obstacles deter me or discourage me. the last  thing i want to do is give up. I know i will reap great fruits after all you reap what you reap.
This time,
Am gonna do things differently.

A Blessing in Disguise

A colleague laments how worse things have turned out in her marriage, i feel her, i have been in a worse trust issue
I wouldn't believe my ears, i managed to tell her to stay put and shouldn't give up on her marriage. i even suggested therapy. Did i just do that?
I somehow feel blessed  i have been able to almost get over this
Somehow there is a part of me that is healed, i feel i need to move over
I think every experience that comes our way will surely be therapeutic to another.
Appreciate every little thing that comes your way, it will shape your tomorrow
I have discovered you attract what you want to
If you feel negative, talk positive
No matter how hurt you feel, be positive,
It wont be easy but its worth it
There is pain in joy when you accept you wouldn't control that particular situation
We cannot control what others do to us but we can what they they make us feel
We create the world we want
I have gone to 'hell' and back and feel so happy to be over it
The experience will remain in my mind all my days
but it will only be a point of reference, i feel like a superwoman
I can face anything that is ahead of me
I now tell my hubby 'I love You' without harboring ill feelings or without any resentments
Am moving. am growing
Am winning this battle
Am a warrior, a conquer er
I will tell the world about it

Tears of My Love For you

Almost every other day i wake up feeling pity
Pity for myself,
Pity i lived to believe a lie
I thought these things happen to others
I trusted your word
You took me for granted, for four years
I wasn't in your mind and by look of things i will never be
I have discovered so much, i still cant believe it
at times it looks like a dream

You aren't even remorseful about it,
like i deserved it
You even continue to lie,
even about small issues
And baby you want me to walk down the aisle and swear before God and man that
i will stay for good or for worse..seriously??

Its so painful, to love and be cheated on
You don't know the pain cos it has never happened to you
One day, i guarantee you, you will feel the pain definitely it will be from a gal  that you will  truly love
and that very day you will remember me
all you said was, we gonna raise the kids
what about me?
I have a life and i will not live unhappy for them, they will understand
someday

It  really hurts, anyway life must continue no matter what
But
I will make some tough decisions
I will not watch you hurt me again, you are at it again
You do your thing,
If it makes you glad then so be it
Always know as you live your life you did hurt a soul that loved you so dearly
I know many or even none will understand
coz
I want to feel loved, i want someone who knows it hurts to do those things
i need someone i can trust
I need someone who will believe in me
Who will love me with all my faults
Its clear you feel
At times it very difficult to walk around with a smile and a heart that is in pain

My Day

I had a  lovely day, i think Sunday's are great days for me
I love making delicious meals for my loved ones
Its a time, to bond with my children
I get to know more about them
We love to cuddle in mums bed
My daughter loves that time to remind mum  about her week,
what happened in school
the kids who wronged her
the singing games
She likes to teach mum about it the dancing styles
Our son loves to look at mum and sister play
He cheers us on
I love my babies
I wake up everyday feeling positive cause of them
I need to go an extra mile
They give me hope,
They enrich my soul with gladness and really look forward to the future
If my relationship with their dad fails, they are my memories
I will forever remember him, he is apart of me
God bless you children.

I WON

Got myself  lucky today, i won a certain competition for supply of diapers for a whole six months..who can be luckier!!
A whole lot of savings there. I have been so faithful to this company and was so excited about the win. the quality is great even used the same with my first born.
Guess its my reaping time.
I definitely feel great and happy and that more is coming. i have got this feeling  that after such a challenging experience, life has a way of giving us a pat on the shoulder.
Its a small gift that means so much, its amazing how little things sparkle our hearts.
They do enlighten our moods, we get feel our soul smiling.
Its a great distraction, at least for now
Every day its a new day full of new hopes
Don't let yesterday's  sorrow steal today's joy
You are what you are today because of that experience
Be glad it happened, it has shaped to the confident person you are today

A Wake up Call

Always,  we encounter an experience that awakens our sleeping mind,
we tend to do lots of assumption before we get the facts
because at that time it suits our thinking and massages our ego
Normally someone is misunderstood and hurt,
We all need to be in the wearer's shoe,
Do you have an incidence where you regret making hasty and unselfish decisions?
Would you do it differently this time?
Is it possible there is a change of heart cos time has has calmed all the anger and you are able to reason soberly?
Is it possible you made a decision that was based on hear say?
Give everything due time
If you still feel angry, don't touch it
If you are not stable emotionally don't think about it
Listen to your soul, your mind will always wonder around without direction
Marriages would be saved if we tackled issues sober and amicably
Friendships would not end if we gave ourselves time to think over
Sibling rivalry would be a thing of the past
Deal with all issues
Deal with the insecurities,you have got to take a dose of hope everyday
Take a risk, despite the hurt trust again
A broken heart can still love again
Keep the faith alive, it goes a long way
Stay positive, when things get rough stay positive
When tears roll down , stay positive anyway
Remember the stars need darkness to shine brightest
Every decision has consequences, positive and negative
Live right, your mistakes will live to haunt you
Every wrong thing you do will see the light of the day, someday.

05/11/2012

Time does travel fast, after a major showdown
life is back to normal but i need to assure him am not ready to walk down the aisle when we got so many issues that we need to resolve.
Who marries when in wrangles
He has cheated on me, he lies to me even about little details
How will i trust him with finer details

NO is an answer

I haven't felt so confident with my decisions like i do now
I said no to an engagement not now may be never at least not to him
You see for once i did stand for myself, am so proud with me
Am gonna follow my gut, my instincts say no, not now
You see we fail because we gave an audience to our outside , we need to pay attention to the inside
Time does tell much, it does heal wounds
It may take me forever to fully trust him to commitment
I don't wanna give give him false hope
I care much about him, i still love him i will always do but he continues to hurt me,
i would rather be brutally honest than live regretting
I sure have made so many mistakes in the past, i have let people have their way only for me to get hurt
I have let people step on my toes as an act of humiliation
I have to let go the past mistakes
i blame myself for what people especially my love take me for, i gave him the verdict
Better a marriage with love and commitment than a lavish wedding with no true love
Abraham Lincoln once said "Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”
If a turn around doesn't happen now, it never will, i need to feel secure don't feel that.
Why risk and the writing is on the wall?
Why give another shot when the result will be the same?
why hang on for nothing?
Why keep hoping and trusting that all will be fine when no effort is applied?
i will trust myself, i know what i want and what i don't need
When one takes you for granted, and they seem not to care and you constantly argue about the same things,  its a wake up call..you need to make up or move on. If you feel alone, you probably are already single despite being in a relationship.
Take a deep breath, take it all in, analyse it. Ask afew questions. Do you want to live the same after ten years?
If you had a choice, would you change tabs?
then its time..

02/11/2012

Today is an interesting beautiful day

Every where i look, or every book i read, i get words and sentences like: 

"Its the devil who keeps telling you not to forgive, cos he knows there is power in forgiveness"

OR

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured-Mark Twain"

The universe seem to be sending a message of forgiveness and the need to loose the anger

of course i will let go 

I will emerge a better lover

I just realized that he has been planning to pay dowry(culture requires it to be done)

Am not for the idea at all 

If this was done three years ago, i wouldn't have resisted

today i would make the most unhappiest bride if i did walk down the aisle to get him at the altar

Am not in the party mood

Am not ready to take a vow 'for better or for worse'

am already fed up with the worse, the better isn't good enough after an experience with the e worse

I know i will surprise many especially  our parents

Who will rescue me from this pain

He doesn't realize how far he has damaged what was so dear to me

I loved him but he took my loving for granted

Honesty is a myth to him

May be he found a gal that gave him what i didn't give

i feel its too late to mend things

Things will never be the same again

I think the kids will come to understand once they get of age

I failed he failed we have failed our children

But

Life goes on,

Am so over him, next please?

01/11/2012

The last two days i have not updated an item cos i somehow didn't get time to and also i unearthed more info
that isn't appealing.

I learnt he lied to me when he said that he was sick and in hosp and that he was late because it was raining and he wouldn't get the means home.
you see, i don't have a problem with him telling me that he is going out with his girlfriends and i would have felt appreciated.

This takes me back to zero. i feel i wanna leave like yesterday. He isn't worth my  forgiviness. I don't have much energy to keep me still in his life, i think someone else deserves to have my heart, they may treat it better and with caution.

No one feels good when the one you love keeps lying to you. He seem not to realize that he is living on diminishing mercies. A time comes when you got to put your guard down and take a risk.

i think i better die trying than die poor and unhappy. I have tried to forgive him, i have tried to love him again i will give a friend who has been eyeing me a go ahead. he may turn out to be a gem.

Why should i keep my heart in pain?
Do i really need these?
Who will i blame when i will be all old, grey and unhappy?