Monday, 22 October 2012

My Experience 4

Wow.. Never say Never.
Life is a twist of fun laughter sadness sorrow, you never know what to expect
Yesterday i was all full of anger, resentments till i went home
I had an awesome evening
I got home and found my fiance waiting for me at the couch as the babies slept. i didn't lean to kiss him when he did, i was already hating him(so i thought).
I served dinner and we had it together
He was so lovely and calm..i must admit i still feel butterflies every time i look at him, its worse when we have a disagreement.
I tend to think he knows me too well than i do,
He sat me down and told me  i had to stop worrying, just because he messed up doesn't give me the right to keep doubting and playing victim.
Nowadays, he said. every little thing he does i make preference to that, and it ain't fair to a person who is trying to mend his ways..i feel him.
I feel justified to crucify him all the time for his wrong doing, he betrayed me and for him to feel my anger and disappointment i rub my insecurity into him.
Am not doing right i need a restart button. Every time we have this conversation i end up feeling sad and sorry for me and him.
When we are making progress, due to my resentments we go back to the starting line.
I need prayers, counsel, therapy.
He says we need rebuild trust again, it may take years but we will be happier.
Am afraid of trusting him again only for him to betray me again, who does that to the one who loves you??
Its reasonable to leave than wait for another betrayal, but its also reasonable too to give it a second try, may be things will turn out well and beautiful this time.
I think anyone who has gone through this journey can ascertain its roughness, at times you just want to throw in the towel and move on with life. May be one day i will tell a story of victory, i really hope i do.
There is healing in forgiveness
There is beauty in forgiveness
There is joy in forgiveness
There is Power in forgiveness
There is Happiness in forgiveness
we all make mistakes, its an offence when we repeat it again. we all need forgiveness.
He has requested for a second chance to prove he still loves me and is willing to go an extra mile to make it work.
I saw the hurt in his eyes, i couldn't help but hug him and assure him that i will also try
 being insecure cos he is a changed man. before i get to make my own conclusions i have to en quire.
After what had happened  of course trusting him would be an issue and almost impossible the day i get over we will be in harmony and will be the happiest couple and i guess he
I think i need help may be a therapist will do, i will talk to him about me getting help. i don't want to hurt him again.
I actually cant see myself with any one else.we need to work it out.

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